Ember... my littlest niece

Word of the Week: ACTUALLY

I hadn't been home long when I noticed that nearly every sentence my four-year-old niece, Natalie, utters includes the word "actually." It was pretty entertaining, and I inquired as to who she picked that up from. My sister ("Mom") replied, "Actually, I'm not sure where she picked that up." Well... it wasn't long until I heard my Mom ("Grandma") say it. Then, my brother-in law ("Dad") was caught in the act. My Dad ("Grandpa"), too. Yes, even me ("Aunt Krista") as well as the Geico Gecko on TV. It appears poor little Natalie never had a fighting chance.

Actually, it's pretty funny when you think about it! ;)

Home for the Holidays

Several weeks ago I watched my new favorite movie, "Dan in Real Life." I enjoyed the story, but even more so, I enjoyed watching the family-interaction in the movie. Dan and his three daughters joined their large, extended family for the holidays. The family spent time preparing meals, eating meals together, competing in crossword puzzles, playing football and performing in their annual talent show. It was so much fun to watch a family come together like that and truly enjoy each others' company.

I may have had a touch of that this weekend. I spent Thanksgiving (and the days surrounding it) at my parents' house in Kansas City. My brother and sister and their families were all around as well. My parents are refinishing their upstairs, so there's been lots of painting to do. When some were painting, some were watching the girls and others were preparing meals. My parents have a new hot tub, too, so we all took turns relaxing after all the hard work.

Some of my favorite memories from the weekend include the following:

Going to Grandparents' day at my eldest niece's (Erin's) school. She had written and illustrated a "story" about the time she and I went to see a movie. I'm apparently "Ant Cerest." (She's still working on her spelling.) But my head grew a bit when her teacher mentioned hearing a lot about Erin's Aunt Krista. :)

Playing with my fifteen-month old niece, Ember. She has a smile that can melt your heart. I tried to get some pictures, so I'll try to post one later. She's generally a very happy child... mainly getting upset when her mom is away or unable to hold her for some reason. I was happy to play substitute for mom from time-to-time. There's something unbelievably touching about when a young child like that prefers you over every other person around. They look into your eyes like they're looking into your soul. That may be love in its truest form.

Baking two pumpkin pies with Erin. She's just learning how to read, so she helped by reading the recipe and then helping me measure out the ingredients. She also did a great job preparing the pie crust. We also painted together this afternoon. She kept telling me I was "fake painting," because I was just cutting-in (planning to roll the walls later). The section she was doing, she did all by hand... "the old fashioned way." (I'm not sure anyone told her that she was painting the wall that would be covered up by the washer and dryer!)

Painting along side my sister, my brother, my brother-in-law and my Dad. We shared stories of old and quite a few laughs. Some of the highlights were Michelle leaning back into a wall David had painted and leaving a nice butt print. David scolded Avery (3) and Natalie (4) at some point for rough-housing in one of the newly painted rooms. He said to them, "and if you mess up these walls, are YOU going to want to repaint them?!" To which they both replied, "YES!!" :) That kind of backfired on him. John and I enjoyed some nice conversation and mended some fences that had been knocked down a long time ago.

Cooking dinner for the fam. Though I would have enjoyed painting more yesterday, I baked a couple of pies (with Erin) and then made chili for lunch/dinner. At some point Michelle pitched in and made some scrumptious cornbread to go with it. We also spent some time cleaning and straightening the house. With eleven of us packed in here, that was an unending task.

I think what I enjoyed the most was just having the whole family together and seeing everyone chip in to help out. No complaining, no whining (from the adults, anyway)... just a great sense of gratitude and thankfulness for the time together. There was also a sense of wanting to honor Mom and Dad by helping with the upstairs project. They've done so much for each of us over the last thirty-five years. They give and give and give... and, unfortunately, don't always get much back. It really was a meaningful time being able to serve them in some special ways.

So... in summary, it really has been a Happy Thanksgiving!! Maybe the best one yet!

Thanksgiving... the day(s) after

I feel like I'm mourning a bit today (and lately). Is it possible to mourn and be grateful at the same time, or is mourning simply a sign that I'm not grateful for the current blessings in my life?

And apparently I DO need a man...

... to open bottles for me, at least. I got a nice blister trying to open a bottle of soy sauce this past weekend.

But more seriously, I'm trying to make some big life decisions right now. It'd be nice to have a husband's counsel to lean on.

Missouri

So I've been in Missouri the past few days, and here are some of the interesting things I saw...

A sign on the compartment of a semi-truck that said, "Fire Putter Outter Inside."

State Fair Community College - I love the State Fair as much as the next guy, but is that (carnies, mullets, cigarette-smoking twelve year olds, etc.) the connotation you want for an institution of higher learning?

A town called "Knob Noster."

Soul Searching

I'm on a sort of soul-searching mission. I believe my purpose for being on this earth is to bring glory to God, but I realize there are millions of more specific ways I can do that.

Initial thought(s):

PEOPLE - I know my more specific role has something to do with people. (Again, duh.) But this is my second official day off from work, and I've already realized that I've been neglecting some people. I mean, I see people all the time and am drawn to be in community; however, I wonder if I've been busy meeting with people in a task-oriented (work) sense and neglecting the deeper soul-issues of meeting with people. Some things I'm thinking of tackling in the next few weeks include: reaching out to some old friends, encouraging some people around me, finding ways to thank people who have been involved in my life, being more open to people, spending some quality time with my nieces, etc. Those things get me really excited, but they're things I've failed to do much of lately.

HUMILITY - Check out John 13. I don't know about you, but I'm pretty familiar with the story of Jesus washing the disciples' feet. I've read it a hundred times (at least) and feel like I get the point. HOWEVER, I was reading it yesterday and focused in on verse 3... "Jesus knew that the Father had put all things under his power, and that he had come from God and was returning to God..." Wow! I can't imagine that... having been given ULTIMATE POWER and AUTHORITY, the FIRST thing Jesus does is to get a towel and basin, strip down and wash the feet of his friends... and even of his "enemy" (Judas). I can't imagine that would be my first instinct.

The crazy thing is, God has given us power through his Holy Spirit. In fact, in the next chapter of John, Jesus tells us that we may ask for anything in His name, and he will do it. It's easy to take that and get excited about all the selfish things i could do with that kind of power. Yet, Jesus is clear to tell us that the PURPOSE for asking things in his name is "so that the Son may bring glory to the Father."

I wish my prayers were for THAT purpose only, and that through the power of the Holy Spirit, I would be drawn toward humility... toward picking up a towel and serving those around me.

Paul & Barnabas

Acts 15:36-41 (NIV)

Disagreement Between Paul and Barnabas

"Some time later Paul said to Barnabas, "Let us go back and visit the brothers in all the towns where we preached the word of the Lord and see how they are doing." Barnabas wanted to take John, also called Mark, with them, but Paul did not think it wise to take him, because he had deserted them in Pamphylia and had not continued with them in the work. They had such a sharp disagreement that they parted company. Barnabas took Mark and sailed for Cyprus, but Paul chose Silas and left, commended by the brothers to the grace of the Lord. He went through Syria and Cilicia, strengthening the churches."

I heard a sermon on this passage yesterday. And though I'm familiar with the passage, I thought the pastor added some great insights...

Paul and Barnabas were good friends. Acts 9: 26-27 explains that Paul was shunned by Jesus' disciples until Barnabas welcomed him into the circle and explained that his conversion was legitimate. It was this friendship that was brought into conflict when Paul and Barnabas were picking a team for an upcoming mission. Barnabas wanted to include his cousin, John Mark, but Paul had been burned by John Mark when he deserted a team on a previous mission. He showed either some spiritual immaturity or possibly a lack of ability to handle the pressures of this kind of mission work. The division was so sharp that Paul and Barnabas agreed to disagree and built two separate teams.

PRINCIPLE #1: The MISSION is greater than the CONFLICT.

There may be a time to break relationship over principles and truth. BUT... you should make absolutely sure that they are BIBLICAL principles and truth. Too many times we let other things cloud our decision to break relationship - pride, for example. But, we need to also recognize that people can change. You may need them in the future and/or they may need you. We should make every attempt not to burn bridges.

PRINCIPLE #2: Even if you have to change a relationship, don't write people off.

I hadn't really considered it before, but reading Paul's words in II Timothy 4:11, "Only Luke is with me. Get Mark and bring him with you, because he is helpful to me in my ministry." I appears that John Mark matured in his faith and became an asset to Paul in his ministry.

PRINCIPLE #3: What action will bring God the most glory?

Shouldn't this ALWAYS be the question in the forefront of our minds?!

Finally, whatever the conflict, choose...

Principle... Not Pride
Humility... Not Power
Unity... Not Independence
Peace... Not Turmoil (Rom 12:18)
Love... Not Accommodation

Receipts

So, I'm cleaning out a large pile of receipts I've been collecting for a few years. One the back of an April 2007 receipt I have written the following...

Cat
Sly, Aloof, Frisky
Black
Dark, Dreary, Lonely
Atlantic Ocean
Cold, Wet, Wavy

The Desert

Psalm 63

A psalm of David. When he was in the Desert of Judah.

1 O God, you are my God,
earnestly I seek you;
my soul thirsts for you,
my body longs for you,
in a dry and weary land
where there is no water.

2 I have seen you in the sanctuary
and beheld your power and your glory.

3 Because your love is better than life,
my lips will glorify you.

4 I will praise you as long as I live,
and in your name I will lift up my hands.

5 My soul will be satisfied as with the richest of foods;
with singing lips my mouth will praise you.

6 On my bed I remember you;
I think of you through the watches of the night.

7 Because you are my help,
I sing in the shadow of your wings.

8 My soul clings to you;
your right hand upholds me.

9 They who seek my life will be destroyed;
they will go down to the depths of the earth.

10 They will be given over to the sword
and become food for jackals.

11 But the king will rejoice in God;
all who swear by God's name will praise him,
while the mouths of liars will be silenced.

Servanthood

I was reminded today that servanthood most often means doing what you DON'T want to do when you DON'T want to do it. It's a lot easier to "serve" others when the task is easy or convenient. But Christ set the supreme example by going somewhere he really didn't want to go and doing something he really didn't want to do. Why did he do it? Because he was a servant.

Phil 2: 12-16

"Therefore, my dear friends, as you have always obeyed—not only in my presence, but now much more in my absence—continue to work out your salvation with fear and trembling, for it is God who works in you to will and to act according to his good purpose. Do everything without complaining or arguing, so that you may become blameless and pure, children of God without fault in a crooked and depraved generation, in which you shine like stars in the universe as you hold out the word of life—in order that I may boast on the day of Christ that I did not run or labor for nothing."

Risk & Failure

I read something recently that struck me... "Failure is our master teacher, and those who do not know this teacher well tend to be short-termers in the growth process." (Cloud & Townsend)

So many people I know are paralyzed by the fear of failure and, as a result, risk nothing. It's unfortunate, really, because there's so much to be gained in life. But, most of what there is to gain is only attained by taking a risk.

I've always considered myself to be a risk-taker, and yet, I feel like I've shrunk back some... played it safe, sat out one too many dances. It'd be nice to turn that around. It's difficult to think one can please God without taking risks. Isn't that what faith is all about in the first place?! (Hebrews 11:6) Faith is a risk. Faith in God may just be the ultimate risk.

Why not go all out?

By Memory...

"Whom have I in heaven but you? And earth has nothing I desire besides you. My flesh and my heart may fail. But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever." Psalm 73:25-26

You might want to check it. I think it's close, but there may be a "the" or "this" before earth. :)

The second sentence is particularly challenging to me. I mean, can I honestly say there's nothing on earth I desire besides God? I wish that were the case, but I find myself desiring all kinds of things... new clothes, security/safety, people/relationships, a vacation, and on and on. Now I know in my head that none of that compares to God, but my heart doesn't always follow. Maybe that's what the third sentence means. I'd like to re-write it in the KST (Krista Standard Translation) to say "my flesh and my heart WILL fail." That seems more appropriate and realistic. Fortunately that's countered by the last line! The NLT says "God remains the strength of my heart; he is mine forever." I like that. He is MINE... FOREVER!! (Whom have I in heaven but YOU?!) What else on this earth can I really claim as MINE? It's all His, really. He may entrust some of it to me, but He doesn't want me to desire it more than Him.

God, help me desire you above all else.

Blog Longing

It's been way too long since I've blogged, but that doesn't mean I haven't had things to say. For instance I've thought about blogging on the following topics...

What's the difference between "praise" and "honor"?
My thoughts on Psalm 73:25-26, which I've been memorizing.
The difficulties I have maintaining friendships with women.
The difficulties I have being friends with men.
Spiritual growth... how it often happens as a result of conflict.
How much I enjoy Nutella. :P

I'm sure there are more. Part of the difficulty is that I forget most of the topics I have in my head as soon as I sit down to address them. So, I might as well begin somewhere. (stay posted)

Romans 8:18-25

I thought the Jeremy Camp video relates so perfectly to the 4/18 post. It also reminded me of this scripture...

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."

Romans 8:18-25

There Will Be a Day

"Love in the Time of Cholera"

On a whim, the heroine rejected her heart's love to marry another. The author, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, wrote that "she erased him completely, and in the space that he had occupied in her memory she allowed a field of poppies to bloom."

The Pain that Gives Way to Joy

Excerpts from "The Problem of Pain" by C.S. Lewis, from his chapter on "Heaven":

"There have been times when I think we do not desire heaven; but more often I find myself wondering whether, in our heart of hearts, we have ever desired anything else. You may have noticed that the books you really love are bound together by a secret thread. You know very well what is the common quality that makes you love them, though you cannot put it into words; but most of your friends do not see it at all, and often wonder why, liking this, you should also like that. Again, you have stood before some landscape, which seems to embody what you have been looking for all your life, and then turned to the friend at your side who appears to be seeing what you saw - but at the first words a gulf yawns between you, and you realise that this landscape means something totally different to him, that he is pursuing an alien vision and cares nothing for the ineffable suggestion by which you are transported. Even in your hobbies, has there not always been some secret attraction which the others are curiously ignorant of - something, not to be identified with, but always on the verge of breaking through, the smell of cut woood in the workshop or the clap-clap of water against the boat's side? Are not all lifelong friendships born at the moment when at last you meet another human being who has some inkling (but faint and uncertain even in the best) of that something which you were born desiring, and which, beneath the flux of other desires and in all the momentary silences between the louder passions, night and day, year by year, from childhood to old age, you are looking for, watching for, listening for? You have never had it. All the things that have ever deeply possessed your soul have been but hints of it - tantalising glimpses, promises never quite fulfilled, echoes that died away just as they caught your ear. But if it should really become manifest - if there ever came an echo that did not die away but swelled into the sound itself - you would know it. Beyond all possibility of doubt you would say 'Here at last is the thing I was made for.' We cannot tell each other about it. It is the secret signature of each soul, the incommunicable and unappeasable want, the thing we desired before we met our wives or made our friends or chose our work, and which we shall still desire on our deathbeds, when the mind no longer knows wife or friend or work. While we are, this is. If we lose this, we lose all."

I wonder sometimes if the hurts and disappointments in life serve only (or at least partially) to remind us that we were not created for this life. We're always left with a deep-seated longing in our soul, because this is not what we were ultimately created for. In John 16, Jesus is preparing his disciples for his coming death...

"Truly, you will weep and mourn over what is going to happen to me, but the world will rejoice. You will grieve, but your grief will suddenly turn to wonderful joy when you see me again. It will be like a woman experiencing the pains of labor. When her child is born, her anguish gives place to joy... You have sorrow now, but I will see you again; then you will rejoice, and no one can rob you of that joy." (John 16:20-22)

He seemed to say, "I know it will be difficult, but hang on... my death is not the end of the story. When you know the full story, you will have cause to rejoice."

"Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarify. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now." (I Corinthians 13:12)

So, I guess the lesson is... I don't know the full story. The unfulfilled desires of my heart serve to point me to Christ and the day I will be with Him. LORD, haste that day! In the meantime, help me keep my eyes focused securely on You.

National Poetry Month

In honor of, I'll share the first poem I ever wrote. It was an English sonnet I had to write for a high school English class. So... go easy on me. :)

(It apparently has no name)

The gardener dropped the seed, my love to sow
It represents a love meant just for one
This seed will bloom for him I not yet know
Its growth unseen, I know it has begun.

The elements of love will make it grow
Compassion, warmth and faith shine as the sun
So delicate upon the earth below
Hard times, forgiveness, o're the ground shall run.

The healing power in love shall fall as rain
Upon the sprout new life shall start to flow
No death, nor storm may split this love in twain
And as it buds a gentle breeze may blow.

At last, my love, the flow'r, look and behold
As delicate, lush petals now unfold!


My teacher's comments:

2nd line -- > meter is rough
interesting metaphor seed/love
rhyme scheme not marked

Grade: 37/43

I'm Back

I'm back from India. Here's a little taste (not sure how long this link will be available).

As I was unpacking, I took these notes...

Things I packed but didn't use:
4 pair of underwear (and yes... I DID wear a clean pair every day. These were simply extras.)
1 book I didn't touch at all
ipod charger
glasses/spare contacts/contact solution
hydrocortisone cream
compact paper towels
bath towel

Things I wished I had brought:
a flashlight

Things I'm surprised I used (and glad I had!):
an umbrella
ear plugs (the wild dogs of India bark loudly at night!!)
a bandaid
a washcloth (I was surprised the hotel had towels but NOT washcloths)

Things I brought and WISHED I'd used:
gloves - it was freezing in London, but I forgot them in the hotel

So, overall, I packed just what I needed. If I were doing it again, I would have sent out some laundry in India. (A couple of people did that late in the week and gave positive feedback.) I don't think I've ever packed that efficiently!!

One word

I know, I know, ... but these things are addicting!


Where is your cell phone: here
Your hair: shoulder-length
Your mother: friend
Your father: loving
Your favorite thing: flowers
Your dream last night: strange
Your favorite drink: coffee
Your dream/goal: family
The room you are in: office
Your fear: alone
Where do you want to be in 6 years: breathing
Muffins: pumpkin
One of your wish list items: books
Where you grew up: Tongie
The last thing you did: toenails
What are you wearing: sweats
Your TV: borrowed
Your pets: none
Your computer: old
Your life: optimistic
Your mood: excited
Missing someone: no
Your car: sparklies
Favorite store: gap
Your summer: distant
Favorite color: blue?
When is the last time you laughed: today
Last time you cried: work
Someone who emails me: everyone
Favorite food: all
Place I would rather be right now: skiing

LOVE

"But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for He has been good to me." Psalm 13:5-6

As much as I love these two verses, I can't help but mention the beginning of this psalm... "How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? ... How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?" You can feel the rawness in David's words. And most of us can empathize (at least from time-to-time... but many of us overwhelmingly so about this time of the year) with the feelings he's expressing.

This may just be the first time I've ever had plans (date-like plans, that is) on Valentine's Day. To say I'm excited is probably an understatement. :) I've enjoyed the following "definition of love" over the years... "A widely misunderstood, although highly desirable, malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes the eyes to sparkle, the cheeks to glow, the blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker frequently."

It would be really easy for me to put my hope in that kind of love. It's easy to think that "our love" is the be-all, end-all of the human experience. But even when Paul talks about love in I Corinthians 13, he states that "now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face." Our love is imperfect. Our love sometimes fails. Our love is only a dark shadow of God's love. But HIS love is unfailing. HIS love is where our hope must be!

This Valentine's Day, my prayer for you is that you will trust in HIS unfailing love and that your heart will rejoice in HIS salvation. Please sing (express your love and devotion) to the LORD, for it is HE who has been good to you...

The Return

So I went to Cosi again tonight... this time taking a couple of friends. The fireplace was on, and I ordered practically the same thing I did last time (sans chicken on the sandwich). But, when I received my order, it didn't look like I expected. (It had chicken on it.) I took it back up to the front, and the cashier said he thought I ordered it with chicken. At that point, I realized it was basically the same sandwich I ordered, only with chicken. So, I told him it was fine, and that I'd keep it. He said, "oh, I can remake it, it's not a problem." I assured him I was fine and went to sit back down. When he delivered my friend's food, he again stated that he could make me a new sandwich. Somewhere in there, he threw out a random comment that his "leg was bigger than I was." Now, it was kind of a funny comment, but as a former chub, I didn't mind it in the least. :) It wasn't much later at all when he brought me out a WHOLE new sandwich (I had only even ordered a half-sandwich in the first place)... sans chicken. It was very kind of him. He certainly didn't have to do that. But, I was impressed that he went above-and-beyond to take care of me. My friend just thought he was flirting with me. But either way... I'm an even bigger fan of Cosi now! Who said customer service is dead?! :)

Oh, and Happy Anniversary... TO ME!!

I just realized I began this blog four years ago exactly!!! Happy Anniversary, my dear little blog!! Here's to another four years! (Imagine me lifting my ceramic mug filled with a decaf, nonfat latte.)

A Cosi

I've only been twice now, but I've found a new little hideaway. I'm almost afriad to blog about it for the fear of being found out. But, I'm not sure I have much of a readership. And besides that, the restaurant may need more business to stay open. Granted, my two visits aren't enough to judge the financial health of the franchise, but I would hate for it to close given the fact that I've only just discovered it.

The restaurant is called, "Cosi." It's like a Panera Bread only with better food (imho) and a warmer, cozier atmosphere. There's a fireplace that warms the place up (physically and metaphorically), though I was disappointed to see it off this evening. I was informed by the cashier that it heats the place a bit too efficiently, so they've turned it off for the evening.

I'm about to take my first sip of an espresso drink... not much froth, but the taste is quite good (despite being decaf and non-fat... I'm trying to lay lower on the caffeine and trying to take off a few pounds I put on over the holidays).

The artwork is also enjoyable. It's exactly my taste - mostly impressionistic, with nice textures, great color schemes and beautiful scenes, many of them of natural settings.

What am I doing here tonight? I haven't decided exactly. I have several options.

1) I considered journaling a bit. I've done a fair amount of journaling over the last week. There is one thing I haven't journaled about that has been plaguing my thoughts for several days. It's a frustrating, recurring, thorn-in-the-flesh, if you will. I'm not quite sure how to break free of it. I used to assume it just affected me, but I'm beginning to realize it reaches well beyond myself. I'm wondering if there's any way of addressing it without causing a complete and total upheaval in the natural order of my social circles. :(

2) I brought a book that I purchased recently but haven't had much time to touch. It's called "Naked" by David Sedaris. The first chapter is quite unusual, but I've heard some good things about his writing. I know enough about Sedaris to know I probably don't agree with him much at all on political or social issues, but I don't believe that's the topic of his writing. Should I find that to be in error, I will most likely put the book down. (That's not to say I mind reading things from that represent a different view from mine; that's just not the reason I picked up this book.)

3) I thought about doing some work. January is a busy month for me. I have a lot of year-end projects (financial statements, contribution statements, IRS reporting - W-2s, W-3s, 1099s, 1096s, etc.) So, I thought I might work on some of that... or, possibly catch up on responding to some email I've been sitting on. I also need to nail down some details for some upcoming events around the church.

Which will I tackle? Maybe the work. :)

Leafing the Old Days Behind

Ah... it's taken awhile to get here, but I feel like our small group (and friends, in general) are beginning to develop some real community. We've met for a long time on Thursday nights and shared time in God's word. That's one kind of community, but the kind of community where we really dig into each others' lives has been a bit slower in coming.

Finally several weeks ago, we talked about ways we can really begin serving each other. (We've often gone out to serve others together, but we haven't done much to take care of each other.) One girl mentioned that she could use help in her classroom at school. The next night, several of us went to help her move some furniture and setup her classroom. Then, the following day, several people came over to help me rake my leaves. We were postponed due to wind and cold temperatures, but we picked it up again the following week.

Since then, we've come together several times to help on yards. I can't speak for anyone else, but it's been SUCH a blessing to have help on my yard. For the first year since I've owned my home, I haven't felt overwhelmed by the falling leaves. Not only has it relieved my stress, but it's been truly enjoyable to work along side friends and laughing with them... sometimes at them! :)

So... I'm sending a shout out to my leaf-raking friends! You guys are the best! Thanks for all the help. You have no idea how much it means to me!

My Apologies and Thoughts on E&H so far

So... I have been realizing that my blog has become a bit depressing. I'd like to blame that on Facebook. FB probably captures more of my happy-go-lucky randomness, whereas my blog catches the more reflective, sometimes depressing, deeper thoughts that can roll around in my head. I'll try to be cautious of that and return a bit of laughter and joy to blogosphere.

I've been reading through Ezra & Haggai. They're books I don't think about too often, and to be honest... I'm not really well-versed in that piece of history. But, I've been learning a lot and have been challenged by what I've read. Here are some of my thoughts...

God's incredible mercy to His people

The end of II Chronicles (36:16) says that the people rebelled until the point there was "no remedy left." God held out punishing Israel until there was no other way of bringing them back. It reminds me of II Peter 3:9-10a, "The Lord isn't really being slow about his promise to return, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to perish, so he is giving more time for everyone to repent. But the day of the Lord will come..." (emphasis mine)

More so, the book of Ezra opens with a decree from King Cyrus, who allows the Israelites to return to Jerusalem and begin rebuilding. What's cool is that God spoke through Isaiah 150 years earlier about Cyrus... BY NAME (Isaiah 44:28). But what's even more astounding is what God was doing. BEFORE Israel was even taken into captivity, God had prepared a way for them to return to Him!

The Devastation of Sin

When the Israelites began the Temple construction (Ezra 3:12), those who never saw the original Temple (built by King Solomon) were shouting for joy, but those who had seen the glory of the previous Temple were crying because the new Temple paled in comparison. It's an interesting reminder... God always invites us to return to Him, and there's always an opportunity to rebuild; however, sin has consequences, and we may carry the scars of our sin with us for a long time.

Haggai records God's encouragement to those who were saddened by the "lesser" Temple. Haggai 2:1-9 says that "the future glory of this Temple will be greater than its past glory." Jesus would one day walk in these Temple courts!

Priorities

In Haggai 1, God begins by saying, "consider your ways"… the NLT says something like "consider how things are going for you"… kind of like God was saying, "have you even stopped to NOTICE how your life is going or wondered why it's going that way? You're planting lots of seed but your harvest is pitiful. You eat and drink but never seem to be satisfied. You make a nice income, but it disappears like you have holes in your pocket. Haven't you wondered why that is?!" It seems like he wants to make sure they recognize how their lives change/improve when they finally put God first.

It's the same things God would say to us today… "consider your ways… haven't you ever wondered why you're stressed all the time, why you never seem to have enough money to pay your bills, why you're never satisfied with anything, why things never seem to go your way? Is it any wonder? You're so busy with your own agenda (work, friends, play) that you don't even remember I'm here. What do you think would happen if you put me first? Wouldn't be interesting to find out?" :)

So, those are some of my thoughts! Dig in for yourself, though. There's a lot of meat there!

The Hug to End All Hugs

A friend of mine in college (whose birthday, coincidentally, is today) once told me, "I just wish a guy would hug me like my Dad hugs me." Being the liberated college freshman I was, I retorted, "why would you want a GUY to hug you like your DAD hugs you?!"

Not long after that, I was having a rough day... probably something boy-related, but I honestly can't remember. I called home and talked to my Dad and retold the story above but adding that now I knew exactly what she meant. Talking to Dad on the phone was helpful, but I would have given anything to have someone give me a hug like my Daddy would give... strong, full of love and meaning, soft, comforting and protecting.

Oh how miss those hugs!

(I should note that I did get several of them last weekend when my Dad was in town! ... Just enough, maybe, to last me until Christmas when I can restock!)

Alone

What is it that makes us feel weak and pathetic when we admit our loneliness? God himself said that "it is not good for man to be alone." If God said it isn't good, shouldn't that legitimize our desire for companionship?

A Psalm

"A Psalm," written by Krista Rahija
(based on Psalm 107)

Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! His faithfulness endures forever.
Has the LORD redeemed you? The speak out!
Let me tell you how my God has saved me!

I was wandering around, lost in my own selfishness when Christ died for me.
I was drowning in my own foolishness and rebellion,
but as soon as I cried out, "LORD, help!" he saved me from myself.

When my dad was diagnosed with cancer,
I wondered what that would mean for me and my family.
As we cried out, "LORD, help!" God met us there.
He gave us His peace and comfort to hold on to.
He taught us that He is trustworthy and in control.

When I found myself in a relationship that didn't honor Him,
God allowed me to struggle in my thoughts and insecurity.
Finally I cried out, LORD, help!" He didn't hold it against me or turn His back on me.
He simply smiled and restored me.

In the times I grow discontent, and my life doesn't look like I expected,
I'm drawn into self pity and worry over my broken dreams.
I wallow for awhile before crying out, "LORD, help!"
But when I do, God restores my faith, renews my strength and rebuilds my heart

Those who are wise will take all this to heart;
they will see in my history the faithful love of the LORD.

Digits

So, I met some friends for lunch today... one of those places where you order at the counter, wait and then pick your food up at said counter. I was waiting with friends until they all had their food. At that point I was waiting alone. Alone, that is, until someone came up behind me to wait. He engaged me in a bit of conversation... over the weather and how people don't talk with strangers in public any more. He made some comment about "waiting for them to call my name" to figure out what my name was. I finally spoiled the surprise by introducing myself. He returned - "Danny." They soon called my name, and I commented to him that he was welcome to join our massive group outside. He said he was getting his food to go, but on his way out, he stopped by our table and handed me a piece of his receipt with his name and phone number written on it... along with a comment "good conversation!" Ha! I got a guy's phone number!! It was somewhat humorous... not to mention a bit embarrassing (given the group of people who witnessed it). But, I suppose on another hand it was flattering. And I suppose I could use a bit of flatter. :)

I doubt I'll call him (though it did cross my mind to call and invite him to our church). In fact, it probably won't be long before the receipt ends up in the washer with my jeans and is lost forever. It makes for a good story, though... no?

Which will you choose?

I watched the movie "Shadowlands" again last night. (Yes, Jessica... it's the one you brought over to go in the garage sale. It will be returned to the garage sale pile directly!) If you haven't seen it, it's about the life and love of author C.S. Lewis. It has so many interesting and thought-provoking points... some of which were taken directly from his writings.

1) Perfect love is only perfect when it is unattainable. Desire comes from the wanting, not from the having. (This was a point he made early on in the movie. His conclusions at the end of the movie would seem to replace this thought.)

2) We often learn more through pain and suffering than we do in the happiness of life.

3) "We read to know we're not alone." He seems to hit upon the question here of whether life imitates art or vice versa.

4) Lewis (played by Anthony Hopkins) ends the movie with this conclusion: "Why love if losing hurts so much? I have no answers any more, only the life I have lived. Twice in that life I've been given the choice - as a boy and as a man. The boy chose safety, the man chooses suffering. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal."

Some of these ideas are more fully developed in Lewis' works "The Problem of Pain" and "A Grief Observed"... both very good books.

Poverty

"The bread which you do not use is the bread of the hungry. The garment hanging in your wardrobe is the garment of the one who is naked. The shoes that you do not wear are the shoes of the one who is barefoot. The money you keep locked away is the money of the poor. The acts of charity you do not perform are so much injustices you commit."

-Saint Basil the Great

Little Black Dress

I loaned my little black dress to a friend some time ago, and she snagged a man (read: husband) with it. I was cleaning out my closet today and ran across it again today. Ah... memories. Miracle of miracles, it's actually too big for me now. After debating a bit, I think I may return it to my friend, who be able to use it... or maybe just save it for the memories.

I know you boys don't understand, and that' s okay. Time and again in the New Testament, there are comments about Mary (mother of Jesus)... "and she treasured these things in her heart." She knew what it was like... to store up memories... to reflect... to wonder... to analyze... to sigh and sink down into those sweet treasures.

Smelly

There are a couple of smells I'm struggling with lately. I'm not sure what it is, but I feel like there's a certain smell lingering around me, and I've somehow tied it to coffee and tuna. The coffee is a bit concerning, because I LOVE me some coffee, but I suppose I could live without tuna if I needed to. I'm just not sure what the sudden change is. Why would those smells somehow bother/concern me all of a sudden?

Someone assured me recently that I didn't have a lingering coffee/tuna/bad smell about me (thankfully!!!!), but it's concerning nonetheless. It's easy to lay low on the tuna, but I'm not quite ready to give up on the coffee... especially heading into Fall and Winter.

Hope you're not experiencing similar issues! (That comment is written for anyone who may possibly still be reading my blog. I realize I may be talking to myself here.)

"Krista, you can't do everything perfectly."

Someone gave me that advice once in the past year or two. Of and by itself, it sounds like pretty worldly advice... like we all have an excuse to live sloppy and godless lives. But, that wasn't the intent of the person giving the advice. In fact, it turned out to be fairly helpful advice for me. Sometimes the fear of making a mistake paralyzes me so much that I don't end up doing anything. If we're chasing after God and desire to honor Him with our lives, I think that frees us up to step out without fear. We may occasionally make a mistake. But, what better way is there to learn? The thing that makes us different as followers of Christ isn't that we don't mess up, it's that when we do, we own up to it, learn from it, make amends and keep on moving.

Fortune Cookies & the Promises of God

Psalm 37:4 - "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."

My fortune cookie from lunch today - "You will get what your heart desires."

Common theme? Yes! Which caused my heart to jump more? Unfortunately the one baked and assembled in Taiwan (or wherever fortune cookies are made). Wouldn't it be nice if our hearts were stirred when we read the very promises of God? Isn't that what would happen if we really believed them to be true?!

Think on that!

Woody

I just discovered a little woodpecker pecking on my house. Seriously... it was right outside my window. There was this little knocking noise. I ignored it at first, but when I checked it out, there he was... pecking by my window.

Eagle Rock, MO

A few pictures from my weekend retreat...

Cliff Dive

Yesterday was the 5th Anniversary of The Gathering's first meeting as a Sunday School class (at SHBC). I was looking back in a journal recently, noting all the times I made comments in my prayers about being ready to take a "spiritual cliff dive." It's been pretty cool to look back and note that I stopped having to pray those prayers after getting involved with The Gathering. It's great feeling like I'm being used by God in a significant way, and I've been so blessed to be on staff now with the church and get to devote the best hours of my day to God's work there.

I was really encouraged last night. There was so much energy, and people I didn't recongize kept coming in (we had a high attendance of nearly 140 people). Eleven people are interesting in participating membership with our church, and we had so many people helping before and after the service!

Thanks, God, for YOUR faithfulness to YOUR church! Help us be good stewards of the people you send our way. :)

Risk Assessment

So I caught insurance commercial the other day. Most of the time I don't pay much attention to them, but for some reason I stopped and thought about this one. I don't recall which insurance company is was, but several times during the commercial, they said something to the effect of "there's nothing more important that your family's safety." At first that sounds very true. I mean, who would challenge the validity of that statment? Of course someone should be concerned with the safety and protection of his/her family.

BUT, in the depths of my heart I knew it was wrong. Safety sounds nice, but Jesus didn't call his followers to safety. In fact, he almost promised the opposite...

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." - John 16:33

"Jesus said to him, 'Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.' Still another said, 'I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-by to my family.' Jesus replied, 'No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.'" - Luke 9:60-62

God makes it pretty clear that protection of ourselves and our families is NOT to be our top priority. Our top priority should ALWAYS be to follow Him however He leads. I think of how many times I don't reach out a helping hand to someone in need because "it's just not safe." Unfortunately, I think we women are even more at fault for using that excuse. At what point are we supposed to stop trusting God for our protection and safety? And, if He chooses not to protect us in any given situation, who's to say there's not a greater purpose in that?

God, help me be a woman who follows your leading WHEREVER that takes me. I choose to trust You for my safety and protection... not myself.

Spoonfuls of Dirt

This is what I feel like when I'm mowing my "lawn"...

A Lady

"And now his Armour being scour'd, his Head-Piece improv'd to a Helmet, his Horse and himself new nam'd, he perceiv'd he wanted nothing but a Lady, on whom he might bestow the Empire of his Heart; for he was sensible that a Knight-Errant without a Mistress, was a Tree without either Fruit or Leaves, and a Body without a Soul. Should I, said he to himself, by good or ill Fortune chance to encounter some Giant, as 'tis common in Knight-Errantry, and happen to lay him prostrate on the Ground, transfix'd with my Lance, or cleft in two, or, in short, overcome him, and have him at my Mercy, would it not be proper to have some Lady, to whom I may send him as a Trophy of my Valour?"

Cervantes, Don Quixote

Stages

I was reading bits from a book I just bought for $1.00 at my neighbor's garage sale - "SeinLanguage" by Jerry Seinfeld. DEE-lightful! Here's a quote toward the beginning of the book...

"I believe we're all secretly happy we can't figure our relationships out. It keeps our minds working. I think we have to be grateful for the one thing in our lives that keeps us from being totally focused on eating."

For some reason it reminded me of a conversation I had with a one-time suitor. He made some comment about how he was "enjoying this stage." Everything within me wanted to immediately cry out, "which stage are we in, and how many stages are there?" Instead, I simply agreed, "I'm enjoying this stage, too." And it was a nice stage (the only stage in that case).

I think I'm doing better at just enjoying the moments I have and not worrying too much about what lies ahead (or what doesn't lie ahead). It certainly makes the journey more enjoyable!

Truth (with a capital "T")

My last quotes (for now) from St. Augustine...

"Who teaches us? Only the unchangeable Truth. We can be admonished by a changeable creature. But the best a man can do is lead us to the unchangeable Truth. That is the only place where we can truly stand and hear and learn."

Isn't that true! As followers of Christ, our responsibility is to lead people to the Truth. So many times, we try to teach truth, or we try to learn truth from a million different sources around us. But, there is only one Truth. If we don't learn directly from Him, we risk being lead astray. We become those people who will gather around anyone who says what our "itching ears" want to hear.

If we claim to follow Christ, we can't neglect the constant and consistent reading of His Word and daily fellowship with Him in prayer.

Joy

"But Lord, keep me far from one error. May it be far from the heart of Your servant who here confesses unto You, that I should feel momentary earthly joy and suppose that I had reached true happiness. There is a joy that brings true happiness, but it is not given to the ungodly. It is only for those who love You for Your own sake.

That joy is to know You as You are. This is the happy life, to rejoice in You, of You, and for You. This is the happy life, and there is no other. They who think there is another, pursue some other. They are not on the track of true joy. Yet they still have that image of it inside that makes them run after what looks like some semblance of the real joy."

from The Confessions of St. Augustine

Body Parts

It always hurts when a body part is missing. What body part is missing, you ask? The heart.

The Mysterious Disappearance of the Green Notebook in the Night

Actually, I don't know that it disappeared during the night. In fact, I have no idea WHEN it disappeared. I just know that I'm looking for a green notebook that I haven't sought out for awhile (apparently). But, it has me very concerned at the moment. I've searched the house high and low. It's one of those things that always seems to be thrown here or there, or up on the shelf in the closet, or buried under a pile of papers, or sitting with my Bible. But, now that I'm looking, it's nowhere to be found. What had me looking at this moment was a poem I once wrote about sitting next to a Buddhist monk on an airplane flight. I'm pretty sure it was in that notebook.

At first I was just missing the poem. Now I'm thinking of some of the other things I had journaled about in that notebook... personal thoughts, things I was struggling through, relationships (yikes!), prayers, random poems. It's a bit disconcerting thinking there could be someone out there who picked up my journal and is now discovering the "secret life of Krista." Hrmmmm....

I don't know... maybe I'll run across it ten years from now when I'm moving some piece of furniture. Or, maybe I'll get to work next week and realize I left it there on a shelf. In the meantime, I'm missing it. And, until it's recovered, maybe I'll blame it on the burglars who broke into my home over a year and a half ago. (I don't think I've been missing it THAT long, but who can say for sure.)

But do me a favor... "if you happen to see the most beautiful green notebook in the world, tell it I love it" (and then please return it to me). I'll pay a handsome reward!

Need a Little Christmas...

I'm not sure why it would be that I have Christmas songs running through my head this week. Yesterday at work I was whistling a Christmas tune (though I can't remember which one), and this morning, I can't shake this one...

"Oh we need a little Christmas, right this very minute..."

Christmas in August, I guess. So... Merry Christmas (a little early), Everyone!

Confessions and Thanksgiving

"Receive my confessions and thanksgiving, O my God, for innumerable things whereof I am silent."

~ St. Augustine

Ember Dawn

My newest niece, Ember Dawn...


Mom & Dad were keeping Ember's older sisters (Erin & Avery) while Sarah & David were at the hospital. David called Mom this morning and asked to speak to Erin. She was the first to receive the official word of Ember's arrival, after which she spent some time (outdoors) announcing, at the top of her lungs, that she had a new baby sister!

It reminded me of way back when... when I was about a year younger than Erin. I remember receiving a phone call from my daddy (while I was staying at MY grandparents' house), telling me that I had a new "blond-haired, blue-eyed baby brother." His name? David Wayne.

Fig Trees

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior." Habakkuk 3:17-18

The Changing Faces of a Family

I'm back, and I survived! This weekend I attended a family reunion that's been in the works for at least a year and a half. Funny thing is... I'm not really even part of that family. It was my uncle's family. But, since he and my aunt were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, it was incumbent upon my immediate family (since my mother and aunt are sisters) to be there for the whole affair.

Friday night we had a cookout at my aunt & uncle's house as the family continued to trickle in. Most families sat with their immediate families, partially because they didn't know anyone else, and partially because their families were also trickling in from across the country. We didn't stay too late, so made our way back to Mom & Dad's pop-up camper to put the kids to bed. My brother and his wife had a convenient excuse not to come - they're expecting their third daughter within a couple of weeks. (I might have explored similar options had I thought about that 9 months ago!) For some reason, my sister thought it would be nice to take their two daughters with us. So, we "big kids" (John, Michelle & me) split up responsibilities for the three children (total, including their daughter, Natalie). In the end it went like this: Michelle was responsible for Natalie (her nearly 3 yr old daughter), John was responsible for Avery (the 2 yr old), and I was responsible for Erin (who is nearly 6). So, it was entertaining, for sure. The highlight was probably bathing. Since we were staying at an RV park, we would go up and take over the bath house for about an hour. The women's bath house consisted of two showers (each with a curtain) and three toilets with stalls that had no doors on them. (It was reminiscent of something from one of my recurring bathroom dreams.) So, it was quite a sight... naked girls (big and little) running around at various stages of bathing and dressing. The adults a bit more discrete, the children not at all.

The camper worked okay for sleeping... 2-3 per bed. Avery slept with Mom & Dad, Natalie with her parents and Erin with me (bed hog, as always). But, it got a little crazy when everyone was up and at 'em. We tried to keep the kids outside as much as possible, though there was at least one occasion we adults locked the KIDS in the camper. That proved to be a mistake, though, as Mom finally checked on them and found that they had stacked up four or five pillows so that they could reach the water faucet to try and get drinks or fill bottles or something.

The actual reunion was fine. They had activities going most of the day... entertainment by several family members, bingo, lots of food, even a few ice breaker type games. It was pretty neat that we all went to church with my aunt & uncle on Sunday morning. We packed out one side of the church with something like 60-80 people. I don't know if it was specifically planned, but the preacher gave a very evangelistic message.

I've learned that I've swapped roles at reunions. I think I actually DID use the line, "I haven't seen you since you were THIS big." (It was a sad, sad moment.) I learned, it's not only difficult to keep track of new births in the family, but we have several combined families, now. One cousin who has three kids married a woman who has four kids. Since they've been married, two of her kids have gotten married and one of his sons is engaged to a woman who already has three kids... one of which just had a baby with his high school girl friend. (Apparently none of the family knew of that baby until they showed up for the reunion. Another interesting note... that makes my second cousin a grandpa at the age of 25... or will, anyway, whenever he and his fiance get married.)

So, it was an entertaining trip after all. :) I survived my piano playing, too. The biggest hiccup was when one of my uncle's sisters-in-law came up to me (while I was playing) and announced she had the same piano arrangements I was playing. "Ah," I told her, "then you can identify every mistake I'm making." She kept talking, which distracted me, and finally I said something like, "I'm sorry... I'll have to talk to you later." I finally got back on track but had to play an additional 15 minutes due to people coming in late. So, I played nearly everything twice.

I'm breathing a sigh of relief today. I survived the family and made it safely back home!

Selfishness

I was reminded again today about how selfish I am. I'm just like one of those annoying and irrational kids, who fuss and pout when they don't get their way... or better yet... who ask for something but then are disappointed and complain when they DO get it. The tantrums look a little different at 33, but they're unattractive nonetheless.

Help me, Father, to let go of this one, too.

Confessions

I'm reading a bit of St. Augustine. I've wanted to read some of his writing for a long time, but I'm just now getting around to it. Here are some ideas that I'd like to explore further:

SECOND COMING: "When He [Christ] did leave the world where our eyes could see Him, it was so that He might return to us in our heart. He left that we might find Him. He departed, and - surprise! - the heart is where He reappeared." --> I don't think he's suggesting this is Christ's second coming, but it made me rethink the coming of the Holy Spirit a bit, and it makes me curious to look at some of Christ's other comments about his own return. I wonder how many of those relate to his coming in our hearts as opposed to his return to earth (i.e. - in the flesh). It's something I haven't thought too much about.

EVANGELISM: "Admiration becomes infectious when the praise is genuine." Augustine was talking of his admiration of a certain orator. His point is that he had an admiration for him not so much because of him or his speaking - but because other friends of his admired him so much. I think he point he was making was that others should notice Christ as a result of our love and admiration of Him. I wonder if people are moved to check out Christ simply because of MY devotion to Him?

LEARNING/KNOWLEDGE: "I delighted in learning, but I had no divine context for what my mind picked up. I had no foundation to discern what is true or certain. I was standing with my back to the light, so that the things that should be illuminated were in shadow, even though they were in front of my face." Wow! Sometimes God is so obvious that we miss Him, because we're trying to understand the things around us outside of the context of Him.

IMPERFECTION: "The promise of satisfaction in worldly loves is an enduring lie that moves the soul to unfaithfulness from it proper lover." The things we chase after in this life leave us wanting, because they're only a slight glimmer of the fullness we find in Christ. We should be thankful for every good gift we have... "If you find physical pleasure in earthly experiences, use the occasion to praise God for these gifts. Turn your love not on the pleasures but toward their Maker. Otherwise, the things that please you will cause you to displease. Love those souls that please you, but love them in God."

A Battle of Wills - Day 5

Friday began well... I beat Erin up by quite a little bit. It gave me a good opportunity to do some packing and cleaning in preparation for the trip up north for our Father's Day Camp Out with the fam. (Note: this would be the reunion with Mom & Dad that Erin has been waiting for all week long.)

Erin finally got up around 11am. I had arranged for us to meet a couple of friends for lunch on the way out of town (for sometime after 11:30). So, my thought for Erin was - get up, get dressed, comb her hair, hop in the car. However, she wanted to eat breakfast. I informed her that we would be leaving shortly for lunch. I asked her to get dressed so we could go, but she refused. She was willing to bargain - clothes for breakfast, but I refused. I was confused by her stubbornness at this point, because she's wanted to go home all week... at that point, we were simply waiting on her to get dressed. One time she said, "Aunt Krista... how would YOU feel if your parents told you you'd be gone THREE nights, and you ended up being gone FOUR nights?!" I said, "so, you're telling me you're being PUNISHED by spending extra time with me?" Regardless, I was incredibly frustrated and expected to just sit across the room and stare at her until she finally gave in to get dressed. Realizing that probably wasn't the best method, I finally "helped" her out of her pajamas and into her clothes. She surprisingly didn't fight me once I got started, so before long we were dressed and in the car.

We joined my friends Matt & Jason for lunch (Erin warmed up nicely for that), hit the grocery store, ran back by the house (to pick up our Father's Day crafts we had forgotten), stopped by the gas station and FINALLY hit the road.

We STILL beat Sarah & David to the campground (shocker) but were finally reunited with the entire family (save John who wasn't feeling well). We had an enjoyable weekend, though Erin and I probably kept more distance between us than on a normal family camp out!! :) I think we both had fun... but were both anxious to rejoin our regularly scheduled lives.

What I learned: Nieces are great, but it's nice to be able to turn them back in. I've been assured (by my sister-in-law) that it's different when you "grow into" parenting a five year old. I guess I'll just take her word on that, and maybe one day I'll be able to judge the veracity of that statement for myself. :)

A Mother's "Free Time" - Day 4

Okay, so I've discovered a mother's "free time"... BEFORE a child has gotten up in the morning and/or AFTER a child has gone to bed. I've gotten a few things done today in preparation for leaving town tomorrow (cleaning, washing some laundry, etc.).

Today's activities included:

Going to lunch with some friends of mine. Erin wasn't too thrilled with that, and even reminded me that her daddy told her "time will go quickly in Tulsa if you're having fun." Implication: Lunch with Aunt Krista's fun = NOT fun. :) She was surprisingly anti-social and was happy when lunch was finished and we were en route to the Tulsa Zoo.

The Tulsa Zoo - we had a great time there, though it was very hot and meant several hours of following Erin around wherever she determined it was best to go. Highlights: The Lion (who had his face in a corner and wouldn't even look at us), a baby chimpanzee (very cute, and even stood face-to-face with Erin at the glass... I tried to grab my camera but didn't get it in time) and ICE CREAM!!!! ('nuff said).

Small Group - Our small group came over tonight. After lunch, I wasn't sure what to expect from Erin, but she was actually very friendly and surprisingly hospitable. During the Bible study, she talked to her Mom & Dad on the phone and watched a DVD. She did very well, despite being upset briefly after getting off the phone.

Veggie Tales - we watched a couple of movies tonight, and Erin fell asleep on the love seat (where I think I'll leave her until morning... or until she moves to the sleeping bag in my room).

I'm still exhausted, though, and hoping to get some shut eye in preparation for heading to Kansas in the morning/afternoon.

New thoughts about being a Mom:

1) You have to look for deals... we got some discount tickets to the zoo from a friend of mine. It actually ended up being free admittance. (Actually... now that I think about it... I guess I owe someone a bit for those...)

2) If I were a full-time Mom, I would need to lay down the law a bit more than I have this week. I've been a push-over for the most part. I suppose it's an aunt's job to spoil, but I would be more disciplined with my own daughter.

3) They say having your own child is different... I wonder if that's true and, if so, HOW it's different.

4) I guess that's about it for now. I'm about to fall over.

The Journal of a Tired Mother - Day 3

Well, well, well... I'm exhausted! It's amazing how there's really NO downtime when you're taking care of a child. Every moment is spent in either entertaining or monitoring. I've found that it's usually when I've left Erin alone (even for a few moments) that she gets a bit weepy for mom. Today we slept in... 'til almost 10am!! :) In fact, when I got up, Erin still wanted to stay in bed awhile. But, we finally had breakfast and eventually made it to the office. (I had a bit of work I needed to get done.) We were there for 2 or 3 hours. Erin watched "Wizard of Oz" in a make-shift personal theatre (large iMac screen and comfy leather-ish chair) in the empty spare office. At some point I was wrapping up and went out to find her crying behind one of the chairs in the sitting area. :( After a hug or two she was fine. We left and went by the bank then checked out a local pool. It was a great pool... not many people, but plenty of sunshine and a few kids about the same age. I was "attacked" by all the kids wanting to play, so at some point had three kids hanging off of me. It was a good day to get out and get some sun. After the pool, we put on real clothes and ran out to the park for a cookout. We took a small charcoal grill I had and took three friends with us (Meghan, Mike & James). We had a good time eating (we didn't drink, because I left the drinks sitting on the counter at home) and playing ball. Erin got "furious" (her own word) with the boys for picking on her. But, it was all in good fun and we came in about dark. Here at home we've been working (yet again) on Father's Day and other art projects. Erin had a bit of a breakdown while I took a shower... she ended up borrowing my roommate's phone and calling Mom & Dad. But, after getting off with them she's fine again. Now, I'm trying to get her to bed... we finally struck an agreement - she'll put on her pj's, we'll play a game of chess (can she play chess?!?!) and then we'll call it a (late) night.

Today's lessons....

1) Kids are EXPENSIVE. (though I suppose I'm sorta spoiling her a bit)

2) I like my adult interaction time and am feeling a bit deprived.

3) Kids are EXHAUSTING.

The Mommy Experiment - Day 2

Day 2 was the first full day with Erin (Tuesday). She was up and around by 7:30. Aunt Krista was still exhausted from not sleeping too well. (Erin, btw, completely denies the bed hog allegations.) We spent the day on the following activities:

Going to the grocery store
Grilling burgers & pineapple for lunch (Erin helped!)
Washing my car
Erin playing in the sprinkler
Playing ball (we got one at the store) - we threw it back and forth without dropping it 75 times!!!
Going to see "Kung Fu Panda" at the theatre - it was a great movie!
Going to Sonic for a late snack/dinner
Watching "Larry Boy and the Bad Apple"

She did get a bit weepy in the afternoon (4pm), as we were getting ready for the movie. She cried herself to sleep on the couch as I was showering and fixing my hair. So... I tried to wake her up before the 4:50 movie time but couldn't. Tried to wake her up again
before the 5:30 showing, to no avail. She woke up around 6:15 (missed that showing, too), so we finally made it to the 6:45 showing. :) But, going to bed last night was NO problem. We both got sleepy watching Larry Boy, so moved to the bedroom after that. Erin preferred to sleep in/on a sleeping bag on the floor, so we both slept much better!

My thoughts so far on being a mom:

1) Nothing works according to schedule. I'm a schedule person, so that will take some getting used to. It may also give me a bit more compassion for parents and/or families who always seem to run behind (i.e. - David & Sarah) :)

2) I'm selfish. I like being able to do WHAT I want to do, WHEN I want to do it. That's not really possible with a child.

3) Children may scare off men. :) More on that later, though, because...

Erin is complaining that I'm writing and that we're not "doing anything fun." So... I don't want to fall down on my responsibilities of being "FUN Aunt Krista."

Off for another fun-filled day!

My Life as a Mommy - Day 1

At the request of MY mom, I decided to try and blog about my week of playing "mommy" to my niece, Erin.

We've been talking about it for several weeks now, and apparently my sister-in-law told my niece that she would get to come stay with me by herself in Tulsa. I guess a day later, Erin asked her mom, "Mom... did you tell me that I get to go visit Aunt Krista ALL BY MYSELF?!?!" Sarah reassured her, to which she replied, "Oh good! I thought maybe I just dreamed that!" :)

I met my brother and sister-in-law on Monday about half-way between our homes - Chanute, KS. We met in a park but decided to grab a bite for dinner at a local McDonalds before hitting the road again. At some point during dinner, Erin sorta broke down and was rather upset at the prospect of leaving her mom. Perfectly understandable, but at some point, she seemed pretty decided on returning home with Mom & Dad. But, finally we got her buckled in, and as soon as we closed the car door and pulled away, we started talking about all kinds of things and she was absolutely fine. (She did seem to think the two-hour trip took an eternity.) But, we listened to a CD - "Bob & Larry sing the 70's." That was quite entertaining. We also played a game - one person would hum a song and the other person had to guess the song. We finally arrived in Tulsa... just after 10pm. Erin was ready to play, but we finally got settled down for bed. I expected more tears, but we both fell off to sleep pretty quickly! Though, I didn't sleep too well... Erin is ONE BIG BED HOG!!!!

Samba, Anyone?

Don't you ever feel like shaking things up a bit? I think that's how I'm feeling right now, though I'm not really sure by what means I would do that. Life is just getting a bit stagnant. I'm ready for it to move along a little.

But, right now I'm listening to the rendition of Coldplay's "Clocks" on their "Rhythms del Mundo" CD. It makes me feel like I should be at some tropical beach party... with tiki torches, fun colorful clothing and sandals. :)

"And nothing else compares..."

"Red, Red Rose" by Robert Burns

O my luve is like a red, red rose

That's newly sprung in June;

O my luve's like the melodie

That's sweetly played in tune.

As fair art thou, my bonny lass,

So deep in luve am I;

And I will luve thee still, my dear,

Till a' the seas gang dry.

Till a' the seas gang dry, my dear,

And the rocks melt wi' the sun;

I will luve thee still, my dear,

While the sands o' life shall run.

And fare thee weel, my only love,

And fare thee weel, awhile!

And I will come again, my love

Tho' it were ten thousand mile.

The Single Woman

"The fact is, sometimes it's hard to walk in a single woman's shoes. That's why we need really special ones now and then - to make our walk a little more fun."

Carrie Bradshaw in "Sex and the City"

Well... I finally did it!

For the first time ever I e-filed my taxes. I've been a paper-and-pencil girl all these years. I think I like having all the documents right in front of me. I get a bit lost sometimes flipping between computer screens. And maybe there's something reassuring in putting a stamp on the forms and mailing them. But, I bit the bullet and rather enjoyed the process. It took me less than two hours, and I have a decent refund coming.

The product - H&R Block's TaxCut Free File. Thanks H&R Block! (Throwing a little business Matt's way, too!)

God's Will

I think one purpose of fasting is to seek God's will on certain issues. So, along with that, He seems to be teaching me some things about His will. For example, at church Sunday night, we studied Jesus' prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane (Mt 26). You get such a sense of Jesus' humanity in that passage as he prays there might be some other way for God's will be to accomplished. But, nevertheless, he prays "no my will, but thine." This evening I was reading in Exodus 5 where the LORD calls Moses to be his representative to Pharaoh. Moses gives every excuse he can thinking of, and when he runs out of excuses he finally says, "please send someone else to do it." Ha! I read that and think, "what a coward!" But... then I realize most of us fall into that same category. God promises to provide all our needs, but somehow when He's calling us to do something we list off every excuse we can think of...

"I'm too busy"
"That doesn't fit into my life"
"I'm too young/too old"
"My friends would think I'm crazy"
"I don't have the qualifications"
"I've/we've never done that before"
"That's impossible"
... and a million more

Finally we plead, "God, PLEASE send someone else to do it." But God doesn't let up. He knows what He's doing. He knows who to send. He knows our backgrounds, our skills, our limitations... He knows it all. And... He still asks of us.

I pray I will be a person who doesn't squirm to find a way out but who courageously steps up, accepts my mission and says, "Here I am, send me."

I love this quote by Dr. George W. Truett, "The know the will of God is the greatest knowledge; to do the will of God is the greatest achievement. The will of God is not always easy, but it is always right."

Amen.

V-day Flowers...

Somebody must love me!! :)

Friend?

I just ran across this poem, and I'm happy to note that I'm not even sure to whom it may have referred...

Friends?

From the first moment you extended your hand to me,
I've wondered what kind of friend you will be.

Maybe just an acquaintance,
someone who might happen to recognize me on the street.

Maybe the casual friend who meets me irregularly for dinner
and occasionally drops me an email to say "hi."

What about that friend who is so close, so deeply involved in my life
that I can't imagine a life apart, until six months later that time comes.
You could be that person.

Or you could be, just possibly, an eternal friend,
one who loves me endlessly,
who despite the time and distance is an intricate part of me.

Only in retrospect will I know who you are.
As for now, I see the possibilities in your eyes.
And I know that you are important, no matter what your role in my life.
For this time, I'm glad to know you.

A Call to Die

Our church is committing the next 21 days or so (leading up to Easter) to fast and pray. We're doing a variety of fasts (food, media, etc.). I've elected a sort of "social" fast. I'm going to take some time I would generally spend with friends and take the time to spend in dedicated prayer and Bible study. I'm excited to see what God will teach me and what he may reveal to us corporately and individually.

I've already journaled about a variety of topics and things that God has laid on my heart. And I already have a couple of "to do" items from God... a phone call, a thank you and a challenge to be a better neighbor. (That one may be more difficult for me and will require me to get out of my comfort zone.)

What I've read today that struck me...

From Matthew 15 - "What goes into a man's mouth does not make him 'unclean' but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him 'unclean.'" (vs 11) "Don't you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.' For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander." (vs. 17-19) (Reminds me of one of my new favorite verses, Matthew 12:34b - "Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.")

Then my prayer in Psalm 19:14, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."

Under $50

Latest shopping victories...

Shoes at Dillard's - $21 (original price - $80)
Long-sleeve "tuxedo-style" shirt from The Gap on clearance - $12

Being Stretched

I should be in bed, but I felt like making a couple of comments on the budgeting front. First of all, I'm pretty proud of myself. I feel like I've always been a pretty good steward of my material resources... more accurately the resources with which God has entrusted to me. But, as I'm currently without a roommate (a state that could be prolonged, given my best prospect just got engaged this past weekend), I thought it wise to tighten the purse strings a bit and rely as little as possible on my "emergency funds" and savings. The two most troublesome areas of spending tend to be eating out and clothing (especially as of late, given the fact that most of my clothes no longer fit). A week and a half ago, I had $3 for about a week's worth of eating out. So, among other things, I had the opportunity to sit and watch my friends eat (quite a learning experience). It was kind of difficult at first. I never realized how humbling that can be. But, even more so, it seemed a great exercise in self-control. I had one friend offer to pay for my meal (which I quickly declined). There has to be an art to refraining from eating out but not allowing others to feel sorry for you. Eating out is such a social thing for me that I find that all very difficult. It really is easier to just whip out the debit card and carry on as per normal... instant gratification of the hunger pains and less socially awkward. All that to say, I made it... five days without so much as a cup of coffee out. :)

Also, I went shopping the other day for some black pants. I didn't find the pants, but I got a black skirt and another (bonus) skirt, which only cost me $5!! It is a freeing feeling to know that I have the money specifically allocated to make purchases like that. I've never worried about being able to afford the clothes I've bought, but I've always had a nagging feeling about whether I should be spending the money. So, that's cool. It was a bit awkward paying with cash, though, in this plastic age.

So... I'm learning some new things. Who said you can't teach an old dog new tricks? ;)

Ouch! There's a Fork in my Eye!

It's been kind of a blah day. A friend's father is in the hospital, Heath Ledger died and a friend of mine told me that sometimes I make him want to stick a fork in his eye. So... I've had better. That being said, I did get a couple of looming responsibilities out of the way at work. I finished up our contribution statements (required by the IRS) and printed our W-2/W-3 forms. So, that's a load off. I have plenty of other things to do, but I have most of my big year-end deadline things completed.

I should be in bed, but I don't really feel like sleeping. I guess I could read. I'm reading "Catch-22" by Joseph Heller. It's on my list of books to read before I die, and I have several other friends reading. I would have read it earlier had someone told me how incredibly hilarious it is. :) Here's one of my favorite passages...

"Major Major had been born too late and too mediocre. Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three. Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people who met him were always impressed by how unimpressive he was."

Ha!

In other news, I didn't take much time for lunch today. I called to the restaurant downstairs and ordered a salad to go. When I went down to pick it up, the restaurant was pretty empty except for a few folks sitting here and there around the bar. There was a very nice looking gentleman closest to me when I walked in. He smiled, and I think he was watching me as I looked confused and tried to figure out where to get my salad. Instead of saying anything to him, though, I did the typical Krista "I'm here on a mission to get a salad." For some reason I always operate like that... in and out, head down, very focused on the task at hand. Anyway, he watched me and smiled again as I walked past him on the way out. For the next hour I regretted not saying anything to him... "excuse me, sir, do you know where I would pick up a to-go order?" (Not great, but at least a dialogue.) Or, better yet, I could have dropped something on the way out... let him bound out of his chair to pick it up for me. Maybe he would have offered to carry my heavy salad upstairs for me. Either way, there's always a chance he knows the wait staff and inquired about my name and number (they took my first name and work # for the order). Or, they could have told him, "I think she said she works in the building." But, alas, he never called. I happened to see him leave the building about an hour later. He was probably still wondering about me. :)

For the New Year

I'm not a big fan of resolutions. (I did pretty well last year... without any real "resolutions.") That being said, I DO believe in goal-setting. :) (I know, I know... it's all semantics.) At this moment, there are only a few things I feel inspired to work on in 2008...

1) My relationship with Christ - I'm digging back into my One-Year Bible again. I just finished it in October, but I'm hoping not to take four or five years to get through this time. :) Regardless of the Bible reading, I would like to spend more time in prayer and one-on-one time with God this year. Sometimes I'm really bad about not doing that.

2) Budgeting - I need to reassess my financial situation. I'm currently working sans roommate. I've known in my head that it will be difficult for me to stay in the black (not to mention get ahead) without a roommate, and that was confirmed earlier tonight when I was drafting my budget. (YIKES!!!) So, I'm doing fine, and I'm not worried, but I do need to get in gear. I have a lead on a roommate, so I'll keep working on that. I'm also tossing around some other (more drastic) possibilities... selling my car? selling my house? I doubt I'll sell the house, but I'll tell you... after this ice storm, I was reminded of the ease of apartment dwelling... no yard to mow, no leaves to rake, no limbs to clear, no electricians to call, no roof to repair, etc., etc., etc.

3) Relationships - It probably sounds crazy and unrealistic to say that I'd like to get married this year (or at least make some meaningful steps in that direction). It probably also makes me sound either desperate or discontented with my single life. But, that's not really how I feel about it. In fact, I've really enjoyed my single life and all of the opportunities I've had as a single person - traveling, enjoying a variety of roommates, a strenuous career (for a time), lots of fun friendships, freedom in making decisions, and so on. But, sometimes the life of a single person is also a selfish life. I've been reminded of this more and more as I've had roommates the past year and a half, as I stayed with my friend and her family during my power outage and as ten of my family members stayed in my house over Christmas. But, most of all, I just feel ready to share my life with someone else. Now, God may have different plans. (That wouldn't really surprise me, because we're already WAY off course as compared to MY life plan.) So, I'd like to state (for the record) that I want what God wants. So, if it suits His purposes for me to stay single another year (or two, or ten, or fifty), then that's where I want to be. That'll keep me leaning on Him, which is probably reason enough for Him to keep me there. :)

That's probably enough to work on for one year, huh?

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!! Let me know what YOU have planned for 2008!