My Life on a (Virtual) Piece of Paper

There are nights like this, when I nearly believe it's possible to sit down and express the whole of my being - every feeling I'm feeling, every hope I have, every doubt, every struggle, every longing. It never fails, though. I sit down to type and realize that I could never possibly come close to capturing the totality of what it is to be me at this moment. Sure, I could describe some of my fears or my secret thoughts, as I've done a few times before; however, they are woefully inadequate to sum up my life. Isn't that what we all secretly want, though? To be known? To be understood? To be loved because of, or in spite of, those things?

It reminds me of something Donald Miller wrote about in his book, Blue Like Jazz: "There are some places only God can go." Maybe it's enough to know that.

Gardening

My roommate got this idea in her head that she wanted to plant a garden. So, I let her dig up the "wild flower" garden in my back yard. She's done all the (literal) groundwork, but I helped her get some of the vegetables in the ground this past weekend. Here's what we've planted:

tomatoes, broccoli, green peppers, squash, garlic, green onions, jalapeno peppers, potatoes, cilantro, mint, rosemary and basil

Just a couple items to get us started.  ;) We'll see how long we can keep it all alive.

In addition, I picked up a few flowers: a geranium, creeping phlox and an African violet.

It's all Spring-like around the house!

David Platt, "Radical"

"We are giving in to the dangerous temptation to take the Jesus of the Bible and twist him into a version of Jesus we are more comfortable with.

A nice, middle-class, American Jesus. A Jesus who doesn't mind materialism and who would never call us to give away everything we have. A Jesus who would not expect us to forsake our closest relationships so that he receives all our affection. A Jesus who is fine with nominal devotion that does not infringe on our comforts, because, after all, he loves us just the way we are. A Jesus who wants us to be balanced, who wants us to avoid dangerous extremes, and who, for that matter, wants us to avoid danger altogether. A Jesus who brings us comfort and prosperity as we live out our Christian spin on the American dream.

But do you and I realize what we are doing at this point? We are molding Jesus into our image. He is beginning to look a lot like us because, after all, that is whom we are most comfortable with. And the danger now is that when we gather in our church buildings to sing and lift up our hands in worship, we may not actually be worshiping the Jesus of the Bible. Instead we may be worshiping ourselves."

Daffodils

So we have a bunch of daffodils in a vase on the dining room table. They're from the "wildflower" garden... or what was once the "wildflower" garden. It's soon to be a vegetable garden proper. Becky, my roommate, has done most of the ground work (literally). Now it's up to us to decide what to plant, how to plant it and how to keep it alive. Wish us luck!

(I'd post a pick of the daffodils, but I'm too tired. Plus... you know what daffodils look like.)

Media Update

Currently reading:

"A Tale of Two Cities" - Dickens
"Here and Now" - Henry Nouwen

In the queue:

"Radical" - David Platt

Currently watching:

"The Money Pit" - Old School Tom Hanks / Shelley Long

Need to be doing currently:

Sleeping

Eyes Half Shut

So I'm tired. It's been a busy week. I'm not specifically affected by busy season, but it's kept me running anyway. There are a ton of projects I need to accomplish in the next couple of months that would make my (work) life a hundred times easier. So, I'm plugging away... hoping to make some headway.

It's been a rough-ish couple of weeks. I think my small group is going to stop meeting. It was only a matter of time, so I'm not completely caught off-guard by it. But, I figure I've been leading (involved, at the very least) small groups pretty much non-stop for the last 10+ years. Although they get wearing at times, I enjoy hosting, leading discussions and loving on people. The nights I'm most worn down going in, I seem to come out most blessed. But, in this season of life, that group has probably been a bit of a crutch for me. As long as I've had that community, I haven't felt the same desire/need to find a new Christian community. So, I'm feeling temporarily disconnected. I know that's mostly in my head, because I could pick up the phone any time if I had a need or wanted to get together. But, it makes me feel like a balloon... floating alone... off into space... without someone to catch my string and pull me back down.

I've also been reminded that some things in life NEVER change.  :)  I'm being a bit facetious, of course. A friend suggested the other day that part of the reason I'm single (not his exact words) is the age of the guys I hang out with. What?! Anyway, it made me consider the age range of the guys I've dated (sometimes briefly). Oldest: maybe six or seven years older.Youngest: not quite ten years younger. Preference: I always imagined I'd be with someone about two years older. Oh well... who knows? I sure don't. I do remember a couple of ladies in my small groups of yesteryears who were pushing 40. They seemed to be distraught over not being married and not having kids. To be honest, part of me wanted to tell them, "maybe you should start to accept the fact that those things may never happen for you." I wonder how many people secretly want to tell me the same.

All that being said, one of the ladies in my accounting group at work told me that her sister says if she had it to do again, she wouldn't have gotten re-married. She apparently has a great husband, too, but she's independent and just misses that aspect of being single. Isn't it true of all of us? We all want what we can't (or don't) have.  :)