My last blog reminded me of a great story about my daddy. It's important for this story to understand that he has had cancer - Non-Hodgkins Lymphoma. Praise God, he's in remission now, and has been for several years now.
One time when I was still in high school, my sister and I had made some brownies for a function up at school. When my dad realized there were fresh-baked brownies in the house, he desperately wanted one. When he asked, we explained that we baked them to take up to the school so he couldn't have any. Then my dad, with a sad look upon his face and a quivering chin, said, "pleeeeaaaaase, one brownie for your poor, cancer-ridden father." :)
To that, my sister and I replied, "But, Dad, if we give you one, EVERYONE, will want cancer." I'm sure we ended up giving him a brownie, just because he seemed so pathetic. Actually, it was very entertaining. I'm certainly not minimizing the seriousness of cancer, but it's such a blessing to know that it has no effect on the joy we have in Christ Jesus! My Dad was a great example of that... still is!!!
Love you, Pops!!
Krista
Thursday, June 23, 2005
Manipulation
I have a new friend. Her name is Ashley. She is ten years old, and I first met her the other night when she knocked on my door and asked if I had "anything she could do for money." She's apparently my neighbor from down the street, and she was raising her own funds in order to be able to travel with her older sister to Joplin. I had her lay mulch in my flower beds and paid her a bit of money for it. Only problem is that now she visits me nearly every day to see if I'll pay her to do something or buy something from her. I have to applaud her ingenuity and entrepreneurial spirit; however, I'm not growing money trees in the back yard. (Though I'm checking into the possibility of doing that...)
Anyway, whenever I've said "no" the past several days, she makes these big puppy dog eyes and sticks out her bottom lip... almost kind of quivers... just like Dad does when he's begging for brownies. I was just thinking about how that's a form of manipulation, and I'd rather NOT know I'm being manipulated. :) But, it really made me wonder if I use guilt as a manipulative tool. I truly have never intentionally done that, but I definitely let people know what the "desired" response is. Maybe it's just a way of trying to control the situation? I dunno. It's really sickening even to think about. I had a friend once accuse me of being passive-agressive. I don't believe I am (though I could see how he could think that in the given situation), but even if I were... isn't that better than being outright agressive? :) Just kidding. There's certainly a benefit to just being honest. I guess that's what I prefer to be... just plain honest. I'll let people know what I think, and what I'd like for them to do, but ultimately, it's their decision. Maybe I'm a bit too honest in letting them know how it disappoints me when they DON'T do what I was hoping they would do. Ugh. There's no hope, is there?
This seems to be one of the more vulnerable blogs I've written. I pray my family and friends will forgive me any times I may have used guilt or other manipulative tools to control a situation. It's very unbecoming, and I'll do what I can to be more aware of it in the future.
Anyway, whenever I've said "no" the past several days, she makes these big puppy dog eyes and sticks out her bottom lip... almost kind of quivers... just like Dad does when he's begging for brownies. I was just thinking about how that's a form of manipulation, and I'd rather NOT know I'm being manipulated. :) But, it really made me wonder if I use guilt as a manipulative tool. I truly have never intentionally done that, but I definitely let people know what the "desired" response is. Maybe it's just a way of trying to control the situation? I dunno. It's really sickening even to think about. I had a friend once accuse me of being passive-agressive. I don't believe I am (though I could see how he could think that in the given situation), but even if I were... isn't that better than being outright agressive? :) Just kidding. There's certainly a benefit to just being honest. I guess that's what I prefer to be... just plain honest. I'll let people know what I think, and what I'd like for them to do, but ultimately, it's their decision. Maybe I'm a bit too honest in letting them know how it disappoints me when they DON'T do what I was hoping they would do. Ugh. There's no hope, is there?
This seems to be one of the more vulnerable blogs I've written. I pray my family and friends will forgive me any times I may have used guilt or other manipulative tools to control a situation. It's very unbecoming, and I'll do what I can to be more aware of it in the future.
Saturday, June 18, 2005
The (Blessed) Sound of Silence
I got home shortly after 5 PM this evening. I pulled into my driveway as normal and hit the garage door opener, only to realize that either 1) my batteries were dead, or (more likely) 2) my electricity was off. Suddenly, I was wondering if my neighbor (who had the generator running last night) knew something I didn't. I let myself into the house and confirmed that the electricity was indeed off. I also realized a few moments later that PSO (Public Service of OK) had been out to trim the trees in my utility easement. They butchered the heck out of one of my trees and kindly left the multitude of branches littered around my yard. (I've been told that they are responsible for coming back to clear them, but I'm honestly wondering how much effort it will take on MY part to see that that's done.) I made the short jaunt over to my neighbor's house to see what he might know about the electricidad. He suggested that the utility company cut the lines in order to trim the trees and maybe run some new lines. He also stated that THEY had been without power since very early Thursday morning. Ah, ha!! Krista asked, "so, I suppose when your electricity comes back on, there will be no further need for the generator?" He agreed and must have understood me completely, because he kind of apologized for the noise pollution. I was much more understanding at that point. And, I'm happy to note that tonight, the only noise I have is coming from my own air conditioning. And... the only thing I have to upset me now is a giganamous mountain of limbs in my back yard. But, that shant keep me from sleeping like a baby. :)
Thursday, June 16, 2005
Convenience
I've started in on SYDM ("Seizing Your Divine Moment" by Erwin McManus). Here's tonight's challenging thought...
"The most important moments rarely come at a convenient time. Sometimes you wish that God would check your calendar first. The ironic part is that our schedules get packed with the mundane and ordinary, and we become irritated with God when He interrupts us with the miraculous and extraordinary."
I think this is going to be an exciting and challenging read! You may rest assured that I'll share some of my thoughts along the way!
Krista
P.S. - On a completely separate note... my neighbors must have invested in some kind of generator. I can understand that to some extent, given that it's been a week chock full of thunderstorms and our neighborhood is notorious for losing power. In fact, just last night (circa 2 AM), I was watching the storms out my back door and noted at least twice some sort of electrical sparks flying from a transformer (or similar electrical pole) in their back yard. All that to say... I can imagine why they might need/like to have a generator. HOWEVER... it makes an incredible amount of noise. At first this evening, I thought my neighbor was out mowing. But, after several hours, I realized that was not the case. Unfortunately, it's now 11:14 PM, and the noise continues on. The worst part is that it must be located somewhere not far from my bedroom window, because that's where it's the absolute loudest. Ugh. I was hoping maybe it was not a generator and that it might go off around 10 PM. Oh well, maybe I'll wait it out a day or two. And, I'll try to sleep (in my bedroom) with it tonight. But, should I suffer a night or two with no relief, I may need to speak with them about it. My eyelids are heavy now, though. So, that's a good sign! WISH ME LUCK!!
"The most important moments rarely come at a convenient time. Sometimes you wish that God would check your calendar first. The ironic part is that our schedules get packed with the mundane and ordinary, and we become irritated with God when He interrupts us with the miraculous and extraordinary."
I think this is going to be an exciting and challenging read! You may rest assured that I'll share some of my thoughts along the way!
Krista
P.S. - On a completely separate note... my neighbors must have invested in some kind of generator. I can understand that to some extent, given that it's been a week chock full of thunderstorms and our neighborhood is notorious for losing power. In fact, just last night (circa 2 AM), I was watching the storms out my back door and noted at least twice some sort of electrical sparks flying from a transformer (or similar electrical pole) in their back yard. All that to say... I can imagine why they might need/like to have a generator. HOWEVER... it makes an incredible amount of noise. At first this evening, I thought my neighbor was out mowing. But, after several hours, I realized that was not the case. Unfortunately, it's now 11:14 PM, and the noise continues on. The worst part is that it must be located somewhere not far from my bedroom window, because that's where it's the absolute loudest. Ugh. I was hoping maybe it was not a generator and that it might go off around 10 PM. Oh well, maybe I'll wait it out a day or two. And, I'll try to sleep (in my bedroom) with it tonight. But, should I suffer a night or two with no relief, I may need to speak with them about it. My eyelids are heavy now, though. So, that's a good sign! WISH ME LUCK!!
Monday, June 13, 2005
Tired and Burned Out
I'd like to be in bed, so I'll be heading there shortly. But, I thought I'd write for a moment first. I am tired, but the "burned out" comment in the title isn't really accurate. I am burned, though. I went floating on the Illinois River this past weekend, and I got a bit crispy. I've been lathering on the aloe vera. It's been particularly painful wearing clothes today, and I can't imagine it will be much fun trying to get comfy in bed. But, I suppose I'll manage.
I'm playing softball this summer, and we had our first games on Friday night. We lost both... the first one by one point (though we had been significantly behind earlier in the game, so the one point game ends up being fairly impressive) and the second by twelve points. :( I only played in the first game. Unlike the weeks to follow (I'm sure), we had so many people come out that we had a nearly full relief team. I was pretty pleased with my performance. I played first base, but there wasn't much action there. However, I hit really well. I'm typically very inconsistent... some good, some bad, some really bad. So, I was happy to have a solid performance in that area. I got up to bat three times, and all three times I made a solid hit outfield to a nice open area. So, I don't expect future games to go as well in that sense... though I hope they would.
Well, that's enough rambling for one evening. Seinfeld's on. :)
I'm playing softball this summer, and we had our first games on Friday night. We lost both... the first one by one point (though we had been significantly behind earlier in the game, so the one point game ends up being fairly impressive) and the second by twelve points. :( I only played in the first game. Unlike the weeks to follow (I'm sure), we had so many people come out that we had a nearly full relief team. I was pretty pleased with my performance. I played first base, but there wasn't much action there. However, I hit really well. I'm typically very inconsistent... some good, some bad, some really bad. So, I was happy to have a solid performance in that area. I got up to bat three times, and all three times I made a solid hit outfield to a nice open area. So, I don't expect future games to go as well in that sense... though I hope they would.
Well, that's enough rambling for one evening. Seinfeld's on. :)
Thursday, June 09, 2005
Books, books and more books...
I never really get caught up on my reading. I'm in the middle or ready to start several books... (I'm not including the ones I'm part of the way through but leaving behind.)
"The Volunteer Revolution" by Bill Hybels
"Seizing your Diving Moment" by Erwin Raphael McManus
Here are several I've recently picked up or been given...
"The Treasure Principle" by Randy Alcorn
"Herding Cats" by Rusty George & Jeff Krajewski
"Your Money Counts" by Howard Dayton
"Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper
A couple books I've "borrowed" from friends and need (deperately) to finish and return...
"A Reasonable Faith" by Tony Campolo
"The Gift of The Blessing" by Gary Smalley & John Trent
"Angels & Demons" by Dan Brown (yes, I'm still not done with this one!)
I've noticed I'm reading more non-fiction than ever before. I've always really preferred fiction... particularly classics. But, more and more, I'm discovering the usefulness of certain non-fiction. I also find it very motivating.
I'd write more, but I really need to get to reading. :)
"The Volunteer Revolution" by Bill Hybels
"Seizing your Diving Moment" by Erwin Raphael McManus
Here are several I've recently picked up or been given...
"The Treasure Principle" by Randy Alcorn
"Herding Cats" by Rusty George & Jeff Krajewski
"Your Money Counts" by Howard Dayton
"Don't Waste Your Life" by John Piper
A couple books I've "borrowed" from friends and need (deperately) to finish and return...
"A Reasonable Faith" by Tony Campolo
"The Gift of The Blessing" by Gary Smalley & John Trent
"Angels & Demons" by Dan Brown (yes, I'm still not done with this one!)
I've noticed I'm reading more non-fiction than ever before. I've always really preferred fiction... particularly classics. But, more and more, I'm discovering the usefulness of certain non-fiction. I also find it very motivating.
I'd write more, but I really need to get to reading. :)
Sunday, June 05, 2005
The Mindless Destruction of a Slug's Day Spa
Boy, boy, boy. Was I out of sorts this weekend! It all started yesterday morning, when I bounded out of bed to mow my lawn. I started by picking up the branches/sticks from my yard, while waiting for another neighbor to start mowing. (I hate to be the first one in the surrounding area to start a lawnmower.) Soon enough, while it was still cool, I heard the familiar hum of another mower. So, I pulled out the old Lawn Boy and started it up after adding a bit of gas to the tank. I was gleeful when I started in on my first try! (That NEVER happens!) However, my glee turned to frustration when the motor sputtered and died. So, I attempted to start it again... fearful that I would flood the engine with gasoline. Time and time again I had the same problem. Finally, the definition of insanity came to mind... "repeating the same action, expecting a different result." So, I called my dad and asked for some fatherly advice, which included 1) priming the engine a couple of extra times after it starts and 2) blowing into the gas tank to dislodge anything that might be disrupting the flow of gasoline. After neither of those things worked, I tried to call a couple of friends, but no one had any other advice. So, I decided to just suck it up and buy a new lawn mower.
The trip to Lowe's was pretty uneventful. I picked out a new Troy Bilt mower, with the help of my friend, Matthew, who also assisted me in getting it back to my house and properly assembled. That was all fine and dandy, but by the time all was said and done, it was too late to mow. I was pretty much depressed for the rest of the day. I just feel like I have a hard enough time keeping the lawn mowed, but there are so many other things that need to be done... planting grass seed, killing weeds, trimming bushes, planting things, etc. Plus, I'd like to get some mulch for my flower beds. Ugh. There's just no keeping up, and definitely no getting ahead! How depressing... to have a house and not be able to do with it what I'd like. :(
Anyway, a nap would have been a good idea, but for some reason I didn't get that done. Oh, right... I had to get to the store and make some shortbread (for strawberry shortcake) to take over to my friends' (Jim and Babs') house. So, by the time I did that and showered and got ready, it was approaching time to go. And then it was past time to go. I couldn't figure out what to wear, and I took the shortcake out of the oven too early, and I was generally depressed from the day as a whole. Point is, I was running really late, but I didn't even really care (which is completely and totally uncharacteristic of me... especially given the fact that I had been looking forward to this cookout all week long). When I finally got in the car and headed on my way, I just felt on the verge of tears. Then I WAS crying. I was debating my options.... 1) call and tell them I wasn't coming, 2) drop off the food and go back home, or 3) walk in puffy-eyed, apologize profusely and get over it. The first two seemed the most logical, but they'd just raise (valid) questions about my sanity and emotional stability. So, I decided on option #3... suck it up and just hope my friends could overlook my shortcomings. That they did. Jim answered the door and asked if I was okay and made a comment about me being "bleary-eyed." I simply explained that I had been out of sorts all day. Matt made a nice excuse for me, "yeah, she's had a rough day" and told about the lawnmower bit. Point is, I was just out of sorts... lawn, clothing, shortbread and any and everything else that bubbled to the surface as a result. But, friends are a wonderful gift. It didn't take long for my eyes to dry and for the laughter to flow freely. They're all so enjoyable to be around, so it's difficult to be sad around them. The evening was grand... other than the storms that rolled in. My electricity was out when I got home and didn't come back on until about 4 AM.
Today was a better day for the most part. Church was fine. It took us three tries to find a restaurant after church, because the first two we tried had been without electricity all morning. I got back home and had no choice but to mow my lawn. (It was getting incredibly shaggy!) So, no problems starting the mower. Yeah!!!!! But, it was very warm, and I grew tired very rapidly. And... my new mower mulches and bags the clippings... which is great, but it I got so much dirtier that unusual. Granted, that could be because half or more of my yard is dirt! But, I was choking and hacking throughout the process. (I guess I need those little face cover things that look ridiculous.) Anyway... it was difficult work... and the new mower is much heavier than my old mower... and I had to stop and empty the clippings (which was also a very dirty business). I have really decided that I was not made to mow lawns. I think I also may have overestimated my ability to take care of a house and yard all by myself. I can't help but think of the previous owner, Martha. Just after closing, she made some comment to me about how overwhelming it was to have a house. She only made it 16 months. I'm at 12...
Anyway, I did take Matt's advice and trimmed up the lower extremities of my crepe myrtle. (I'm just realizing now that I got the three in front but didn't trim the one on the side of my house... figures.) Well, see... I was wondering recently where slugs go during the day. The answer to my question was waiting at the base of my crepe myrtle! Fortunately, I didn't find a whole herd (pack, school, clump... whatever) of them... just one lonely slug. I'm sure he thought he had a good thing going, though.
The trip to Lowe's was pretty uneventful. I picked out a new Troy Bilt mower, with the help of my friend, Matthew, who also assisted me in getting it back to my house and properly assembled. That was all fine and dandy, but by the time all was said and done, it was too late to mow. I was pretty much depressed for the rest of the day. I just feel like I have a hard enough time keeping the lawn mowed, but there are so many other things that need to be done... planting grass seed, killing weeds, trimming bushes, planting things, etc. Plus, I'd like to get some mulch for my flower beds. Ugh. There's just no keeping up, and definitely no getting ahead! How depressing... to have a house and not be able to do with it what I'd like. :(
Anyway, a nap would have been a good idea, but for some reason I didn't get that done. Oh, right... I had to get to the store and make some shortbread (for strawberry shortcake) to take over to my friends' (Jim and Babs') house. So, by the time I did that and showered and got ready, it was approaching time to go. And then it was past time to go. I couldn't figure out what to wear, and I took the shortcake out of the oven too early, and I was generally depressed from the day as a whole. Point is, I was running really late, but I didn't even really care (which is completely and totally uncharacteristic of me... especially given the fact that I had been looking forward to this cookout all week long). When I finally got in the car and headed on my way, I just felt on the verge of tears. Then I WAS crying. I was debating my options.... 1) call and tell them I wasn't coming, 2) drop off the food and go back home, or 3) walk in puffy-eyed, apologize profusely and get over it. The first two seemed the most logical, but they'd just raise (valid) questions about my sanity and emotional stability. So, I decided on option #3... suck it up and just hope my friends could overlook my shortcomings. That they did. Jim answered the door and asked if I was okay and made a comment about me being "bleary-eyed." I simply explained that I had been out of sorts all day. Matt made a nice excuse for me, "yeah, she's had a rough day" and told about the lawnmower bit. Point is, I was just out of sorts... lawn, clothing, shortbread and any and everything else that bubbled to the surface as a result. But, friends are a wonderful gift. It didn't take long for my eyes to dry and for the laughter to flow freely. They're all so enjoyable to be around, so it's difficult to be sad around them. The evening was grand... other than the storms that rolled in. My electricity was out when I got home and didn't come back on until about 4 AM.
Today was a better day for the most part. Church was fine. It took us three tries to find a restaurant after church, because the first two we tried had been without electricity all morning. I got back home and had no choice but to mow my lawn. (It was getting incredibly shaggy!) So, no problems starting the mower. Yeah!!!!! But, it was very warm, and I grew tired very rapidly. And... my new mower mulches and bags the clippings... which is great, but it I got so much dirtier that unusual. Granted, that could be because half or more of my yard is dirt! But, I was choking and hacking throughout the process. (I guess I need those little face cover things that look ridiculous.) Anyway... it was difficult work... and the new mower is much heavier than my old mower... and I had to stop and empty the clippings (which was also a very dirty business). I have really decided that I was not made to mow lawns. I think I also may have overestimated my ability to take care of a house and yard all by myself. I can't help but think of the previous owner, Martha. Just after closing, she made some comment to me about how overwhelming it was to have a house. She only made it 16 months. I'm at 12...
Anyway, I did take Matt's advice and trimmed up the lower extremities of my crepe myrtle. (I'm just realizing now that I got the three in front but didn't trim the one on the side of my house... figures.) Well, see... I was wondering recently where slugs go during the day. The answer to my question was waiting at the base of my crepe myrtle! Fortunately, I didn't find a whole herd (pack, school, clump... whatever) of them... just one lonely slug. I'm sure he thought he had a good thing going, though.
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