Alone

What is it that makes us feel weak and pathetic when we admit our loneliness? God himself said that "it is not good for man to be alone." If God said it isn't good, shouldn't that legitimize our desire for companionship?

A Psalm

"A Psalm," written by Krista Rahija
(based on Psalm 107)

Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! His faithfulness endures forever.
Has the LORD redeemed you? The speak out!
Let me tell you how my God has saved me!

I was wandering around, lost in my own selfishness when Christ died for me.
I was drowning in my own foolishness and rebellion,
but as soon as I cried out, "LORD, help!" he saved me from myself.

When my dad was diagnosed with cancer,
I wondered what that would mean for me and my family.
As we cried out, "LORD, help!" God met us there.
He gave us His peace and comfort to hold on to.
He taught us that He is trustworthy and in control.

When I found myself in a relationship that didn't honor Him,
God allowed me to struggle in my thoughts and insecurity.
Finally I cried out, LORD, help!" He didn't hold it against me or turn His back on me.
He simply smiled and restored me.

In the times I grow discontent, and my life doesn't look like I expected,
I'm drawn into self pity and worry over my broken dreams.
I wallow for awhile before crying out, "LORD, help!"
But when I do, God restores my faith, renews my strength and rebuilds my heart

Those who are wise will take all this to heart;
they will see in my history the faithful love of the LORD.

Digits

So, I met some friends for lunch today... one of those places where you order at the counter, wait and then pick your food up at said counter. I was waiting with friends until they all had their food. At that point I was waiting alone. Alone, that is, until someone came up behind me to wait. He engaged me in a bit of conversation... over the weather and how people don't talk with strangers in public any more. He made some comment about "waiting for them to call my name" to figure out what my name was. I finally spoiled the surprise by introducing myself. He returned - "Danny." They soon called my name, and I commented to him that he was welcome to join our massive group outside. He said he was getting his food to go, but on his way out, he stopped by our table and handed me a piece of his receipt with his name and phone number written on it... along with a comment "good conversation!" Ha! I got a guy's phone number!! It was somewhat humorous... not to mention a bit embarrassing (given the group of people who witnessed it). But, I suppose on another hand it was flattering. And I suppose I could use a bit of flatter. :)

I doubt I'll call him (though it did cross my mind to call and invite him to our church). In fact, it probably won't be long before the receipt ends up in the washer with my jeans and is lost forever. It makes for a good story, though... no?

Which will you choose?

I watched the movie "Shadowlands" again last night. (Yes, Jessica... it's the one you brought over to go in the garage sale. It will be returned to the garage sale pile directly!) If you haven't seen it, it's about the life and love of author C.S. Lewis. It has so many interesting and thought-provoking points... some of which were taken directly from his writings.

1) Perfect love is only perfect when it is unattainable. Desire comes from the wanting, not from the having. (This was a point he made early on in the movie. His conclusions at the end of the movie would seem to replace this thought.)

2) We often learn more through pain and suffering than we do in the happiness of life.

3) "We read to know we're not alone." He seems to hit upon the question here of whether life imitates art or vice versa.

4) Lewis (played by Anthony Hopkins) ends the movie with this conclusion: "Why love if losing hurts so much? I have no answers any more, only the life I have lived. Twice in that life I've been given the choice - as a boy and as a man. The boy chose safety, the man chooses suffering. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal."

Some of these ideas are more fully developed in Lewis' works "The Problem of Pain" and "A Grief Observed"... both very good books.

Poverty

"The bread which you do not use is the bread of the hungry. The garment hanging in your wardrobe is the garment of the one who is naked. The shoes that you do not wear are the shoes of the one who is barefoot. The money you keep locked away is the money of the poor. The acts of charity you do not perform are so much injustices you commit."

-Saint Basil the Great

Little Black Dress

I loaned my little black dress to a friend some time ago, and she snagged a man (read: husband) with it. I was cleaning out my closet today and ran across it again today. Ah... memories. Miracle of miracles, it's actually too big for me now. After debating a bit, I think I may return it to my friend, who be able to use it... or maybe just save it for the memories.

I know you boys don't understand, and that' s okay. Time and again in the New Testament, there are comments about Mary (mother of Jesus)... "and she treasured these things in her heart." She knew what it was like... to store up memories... to reflect... to wonder... to analyze... to sigh and sink down into those sweet treasures.

Smelly

There are a couple of smells I'm struggling with lately. I'm not sure what it is, but I feel like there's a certain smell lingering around me, and I've somehow tied it to coffee and tuna. The coffee is a bit concerning, because I LOVE me some coffee, but I suppose I could live without tuna if I needed to. I'm just not sure what the sudden change is. Why would those smells somehow bother/concern me all of a sudden?

Someone assured me recently that I didn't have a lingering coffee/tuna/bad smell about me (thankfully!!!!), but it's concerning nonetheless. It's easy to lay low on the tuna, but I'm not quite ready to give up on the coffee... especially heading into Fall and Winter.

Hope you're not experiencing similar issues! (That comment is written for anyone who may possibly still be reading my blog. I realize I may be talking to myself here.)

"Krista, you can't do everything perfectly."

Someone gave me that advice once in the past year or two. Of and by itself, it sounds like pretty worldly advice... like we all have an excuse to live sloppy and godless lives. But, that wasn't the intent of the person giving the advice. In fact, it turned out to be fairly helpful advice for me. Sometimes the fear of making a mistake paralyzes me so much that I don't end up doing anything. If we're chasing after God and desire to honor Him with our lives, I think that frees us up to step out without fear. We may occasionally make a mistake. But, what better way is there to learn? The thing that makes us different as followers of Christ isn't that we don't mess up, it's that when we do, we own up to it, learn from it, make amends and keep on moving.

Fortune Cookies & the Promises of God

Psalm 37:4 - "Delight yourself in the LORD and he will give you the desires of your heart."

My fortune cookie from lunch today - "You will get what your heart desires."

Common theme? Yes! Which caused my heart to jump more? Unfortunately the one baked and assembled in Taiwan (or wherever fortune cookies are made). Wouldn't it be nice if our hearts were stirred when we read the very promises of God? Isn't that what would happen if we really believed them to be true?!

Think on that!

Woody

I just discovered a little woodpecker pecking on my house. Seriously... it was right outside my window. There was this little knocking noise. I ignored it at first, but when I checked it out, there he was... pecking by my window.

Eagle Rock, MO

A few pictures from my weekend retreat...

Cliff Dive

Yesterday was the 5th Anniversary of The Gathering's first meeting as a Sunday School class (at SHBC). I was looking back in a journal recently, noting all the times I made comments in my prayers about being ready to take a "spiritual cliff dive." It's been pretty cool to look back and note that I stopped having to pray those prayers after getting involved with The Gathering. It's great feeling like I'm being used by God in a significant way, and I've been so blessed to be on staff now with the church and get to devote the best hours of my day to God's work there.

I was really encouraged last night. There was so much energy, and people I didn't recongize kept coming in (we had a high attendance of nearly 140 people). Eleven people are interesting in participating membership with our church, and we had so many people helping before and after the service!

Thanks, God, for YOUR faithfulness to YOUR church! Help us be good stewards of the people you send our way. :)

Risk Assessment

So I caught insurance commercial the other day. Most of the time I don't pay much attention to them, but for some reason I stopped and thought about this one. I don't recall which insurance company is was, but several times during the commercial, they said something to the effect of "there's nothing more important that your family's safety." At first that sounds very true. I mean, who would challenge the validity of that statment? Of course someone should be concerned with the safety and protection of his/her family.

BUT, in the depths of my heart I knew it was wrong. Safety sounds nice, but Jesus didn't call his followers to safety. In fact, he almost promised the opposite...

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." - John 16:33

"Jesus said to him, 'Let the dead bury their own dead, but you go and proclaim the kingdom of God.' Still another said, 'I will follow you, Lord; but first let me go back and say good-by to my family.' Jesus replied, 'No one who puts his hand to the plow and looks back is fit for service in the kingdom of God.'" - Luke 9:60-62

God makes it pretty clear that protection of ourselves and our families is NOT to be our top priority. Our top priority should ALWAYS be to follow Him however He leads. I think of how many times I don't reach out a helping hand to someone in need because "it's just not safe." Unfortunately, I think we women are even more at fault for using that excuse. At what point are we supposed to stop trusting God for our protection and safety? And, if He chooses not to protect us in any given situation, who's to say there's not a greater purpose in that?

God, help me be a woman who follows your leading WHEREVER that takes me. I choose to trust You for my safety and protection... not myself.

Spoonfuls of Dirt

This is what I feel like when I'm mowing my "lawn"...

A Lady

"And now his Armour being scour'd, his Head-Piece improv'd to a Helmet, his Horse and himself new nam'd, he perceiv'd he wanted nothing but a Lady, on whom he might bestow the Empire of his Heart; for he was sensible that a Knight-Errant without a Mistress, was a Tree without either Fruit or Leaves, and a Body without a Soul. Should I, said he to himself, by good or ill Fortune chance to encounter some Giant, as 'tis common in Knight-Errantry, and happen to lay him prostrate on the Ground, transfix'd with my Lance, or cleft in two, or, in short, overcome him, and have him at my Mercy, would it not be proper to have some Lady, to whom I may send him as a Trophy of my Valour?"

Cervantes, Don Quixote

Stages

I was reading bits from a book I just bought for $1.00 at my neighbor's garage sale - "SeinLanguage" by Jerry Seinfeld. DEE-lightful! Here's a quote toward the beginning of the book...

"I believe we're all secretly happy we can't figure our relationships out. It keeps our minds working. I think we have to be grateful for the one thing in our lives that keeps us from being totally focused on eating."

For some reason it reminded me of a conversation I had with a one-time suitor. He made some comment about how he was "enjoying this stage." Everything within me wanted to immediately cry out, "which stage are we in, and how many stages are there?" Instead, I simply agreed, "I'm enjoying this stage, too." And it was a nice stage (the only stage in that case).

I think I'm doing better at just enjoying the moments I have and not worrying too much about what lies ahead (or what doesn't lie ahead). It certainly makes the journey more enjoyable!

Truth (with a capital "T")

My last quotes (for now) from St. Augustine...

"Who teaches us? Only the unchangeable Truth. We can be admonished by a changeable creature. But the best a man can do is lead us to the unchangeable Truth. That is the only place where we can truly stand and hear and learn."

Isn't that true! As followers of Christ, our responsibility is to lead people to the Truth. So many times, we try to teach truth, or we try to learn truth from a million different sources around us. But, there is only one Truth. If we don't learn directly from Him, we risk being lead astray. We become those people who will gather around anyone who says what our "itching ears" want to hear.

If we claim to follow Christ, we can't neglect the constant and consistent reading of His Word and daily fellowship with Him in prayer.

Joy

"But Lord, keep me far from one error. May it be far from the heart of Your servant who here confesses unto You, that I should feel momentary earthly joy and suppose that I had reached true happiness. There is a joy that brings true happiness, but it is not given to the ungodly. It is only for those who love You for Your own sake.

That joy is to know You as You are. This is the happy life, to rejoice in You, of You, and for You. This is the happy life, and there is no other. They who think there is another, pursue some other. They are not on the track of true joy. Yet they still have that image of it inside that makes them run after what looks like some semblance of the real joy."

from The Confessions of St. Augustine

Body Parts

It always hurts when a body part is missing. What body part is missing, you ask? The heart.

The Mysterious Disappearance of the Green Notebook in the Night

Actually, I don't know that it disappeared during the night. In fact, I have no idea WHEN it disappeared. I just know that I'm looking for a green notebook that I haven't sought out for awhile (apparently). But, it has me very concerned at the moment. I've searched the house high and low. It's one of those things that always seems to be thrown here or there, or up on the shelf in the closet, or buried under a pile of papers, or sitting with my Bible. But, now that I'm looking, it's nowhere to be found. What had me looking at this moment was a poem I once wrote about sitting next to a Buddhist monk on an airplane flight. I'm pretty sure it was in that notebook.

At first I was just missing the poem. Now I'm thinking of some of the other things I had journaled about in that notebook... personal thoughts, things I was struggling through, relationships (yikes!), prayers, random poems. It's a bit disconcerting thinking there could be someone out there who picked up my journal and is now discovering the "secret life of Krista." Hrmmmm....

I don't know... maybe I'll run across it ten years from now when I'm moving some piece of furniture. Or, maybe I'll get to work next week and realize I left it there on a shelf. In the meantime, I'm missing it. And, until it's recovered, maybe I'll blame it on the burglars who broke into my home over a year and a half ago. (I don't think I've been missing it THAT long, but who can say for sure.)

But do me a favor... "if you happen to see the most beautiful green notebook in the world, tell it I love it" (and then please return it to me). I'll pay a handsome reward!

Need a Little Christmas...

I'm not sure why it would be that I have Christmas songs running through my head this week. Yesterday at work I was whistling a Christmas tune (though I can't remember which one), and this morning, I can't shake this one...

"Oh we need a little Christmas, right this very minute..."

Christmas in August, I guess. So... Merry Christmas (a little early), Everyone!

Confessions and Thanksgiving

"Receive my confessions and thanksgiving, O my God, for innumerable things whereof I am silent."

~ St. Augustine

Ember Dawn

My newest niece, Ember Dawn...


Mom & Dad were keeping Ember's older sisters (Erin & Avery) while Sarah & David were at the hospital. David called Mom this morning and asked to speak to Erin. She was the first to receive the official word of Ember's arrival, after which she spent some time (outdoors) announcing, at the top of her lungs, that she had a new baby sister!

It reminded me of way back when... when I was about a year younger than Erin. I remember receiving a phone call from my daddy (while I was staying at MY grandparents' house), telling me that I had a new "blond-haired, blue-eyed baby brother." His name? David Wayne.

Fig Trees

"Though the fig tree does not bud and there are no grapes on the vines, though the olive crop fails and the fields produce no food, though there are no sheep in the pen and no cattle in the stalls, yet I will rejoice in the LORD, I will be joyful in God my Savior." Habakkuk 3:17-18

The Changing Faces of a Family

I'm back, and I survived! This weekend I attended a family reunion that's been in the works for at least a year and a half. Funny thing is... I'm not really even part of that family. It was my uncle's family. But, since he and my aunt were celebrating their 50th wedding anniversary, it was incumbent upon my immediate family (since my mother and aunt are sisters) to be there for the whole affair.

Friday night we had a cookout at my aunt & uncle's house as the family continued to trickle in. Most families sat with their immediate families, partially because they didn't know anyone else, and partially because their families were also trickling in from across the country. We didn't stay too late, so made our way back to Mom & Dad's pop-up camper to put the kids to bed. My brother and his wife had a convenient excuse not to come - they're expecting their third daughter within a couple of weeks. (I might have explored similar options had I thought about that 9 months ago!) For some reason, my sister thought it would be nice to take their two daughters with us. So, we "big kids" (John, Michelle & me) split up responsibilities for the three children (total, including their daughter, Natalie). In the end it went like this: Michelle was responsible for Natalie (her nearly 3 yr old daughter), John was responsible for Avery (the 2 yr old), and I was responsible for Erin (who is nearly 6). So, it was entertaining, for sure. The highlight was probably bathing. Since we were staying at an RV park, we would go up and take over the bath house for about an hour. The women's bath house consisted of two showers (each with a curtain) and three toilets with stalls that had no doors on them. (It was reminiscent of something from one of my recurring bathroom dreams.) So, it was quite a sight... naked girls (big and little) running around at various stages of bathing and dressing. The adults a bit more discrete, the children not at all.

The camper worked okay for sleeping... 2-3 per bed. Avery slept with Mom & Dad, Natalie with her parents and Erin with me (bed hog, as always). But, it got a little crazy when everyone was up and at 'em. We tried to keep the kids outside as much as possible, though there was at least one occasion we adults locked the KIDS in the camper. That proved to be a mistake, though, as Mom finally checked on them and found that they had stacked up four or five pillows so that they could reach the water faucet to try and get drinks or fill bottles or something.

The actual reunion was fine. They had activities going most of the day... entertainment by several family members, bingo, lots of food, even a few ice breaker type games. It was pretty neat that we all went to church with my aunt & uncle on Sunday morning. We packed out one side of the church with something like 60-80 people. I don't know if it was specifically planned, but the preacher gave a very evangelistic message.

I've learned that I've swapped roles at reunions. I think I actually DID use the line, "I haven't seen you since you were THIS big." (It was a sad, sad moment.) I learned, it's not only difficult to keep track of new births in the family, but we have several combined families, now. One cousin who has three kids married a woman who has four kids. Since they've been married, two of her kids have gotten married and one of his sons is engaged to a woman who already has three kids... one of which just had a baby with his high school girl friend. (Apparently none of the family knew of that baby until they showed up for the reunion. Another interesting note... that makes my second cousin a grandpa at the age of 25... or will, anyway, whenever he and his fiance get married.)

So, it was an entertaining trip after all. :) I survived my piano playing, too. The biggest hiccup was when one of my uncle's sisters-in-law came up to me (while I was playing) and announced she had the same piano arrangements I was playing. "Ah," I told her, "then you can identify every mistake I'm making." She kept talking, which distracted me, and finally I said something like, "I'm sorry... I'll have to talk to you later." I finally got back on track but had to play an additional 15 minutes due to people coming in late. So, I played nearly everything twice.

I'm breathing a sigh of relief today. I survived the family and made it safely back home!

Selfishness

I was reminded again today about how selfish I am. I'm just like one of those annoying and irrational kids, who fuss and pout when they don't get their way... or better yet... who ask for something but then are disappointed and complain when they DO get it. The tantrums look a little different at 33, but they're unattractive nonetheless.

Help me, Father, to let go of this one, too.

Confessions

I'm reading a bit of St. Augustine. I've wanted to read some of his writing for a long time, but I'm just now getting around to it. Here are some ideas that I'd like to explore further:

SECOND COMING: "When He [Christ] did leave the world where our eyes could see Him, it was so that He might return to us in our heart. He left that we might find Him. He departed, and - surprise! - the heart is where He reappeared." --> I don't think he's suggesting this is Christ's second coming, but it made me rethink the coming of the Holy Spirit a bit, and it makes me curious to look at some of Christ's other comments about his own return. I wonder how many of those relate to his coming in our hearts as opposed to his return to earth (i.e. - in the flesh). It's something I haven't thought too much about.

EVANGELISM: "Admiration becomes infectious when the praise is genuine." Augustine was talking of his admiration of a certain orator. His point is that he had an admiration for him not so much because of him or his speaking - but because other friends of his admired him so much. I think he point he was making was that others should notice Christ as a result of our love and admiration of Him. I wonder if people are moved to check out Christ simply because of MY devotion to Him?

LEARNING/KNOWLEDGE: "I delighted in learning, but I had no divine context for what my mind picked up. I had no foundation to discern what is true or certain. I was standing with my back to the light, so that the things that should be illuminated were in shadow, even though they were in front of my face." Wow! Sometimes God is so obvious that we miss Him, because we're trying to understand the things around us outside of the context of Him.

IMPERFECTION: "The promise of satisfaction in worldly loves is an enduring lie that moves the soul to unfaithfulness from it proper lover." The things we chase after in this life leave us wanting, because they're only a slight glimmer of the fullness we find in Christ. We should be thankful for every good gift we have... "If you find physical pleasure in earthly experiences, use the occasion to praise God for these gifts. Turn your love not on the pleasures but toward their Maker. Otherwise, the things that please you will cause you to displease. Love those souls that please you, but love them in God."

A Battle of Wills - Day 5

Friday began well... I beat Erin up by quite a little bit. It gave me a good opportunity to do some packing and cleaning in preparation for the trip up north for our Father's Day Camp Out with the fam. (Note: this would be the reunion with Mom & Dad that Erin has been waiting for all week long.)

Erin finally got up around 11am. I had arranged for us to meet a couple of friends for lunch on the way out of town (for sometime after 11:30). So, my thought for Erin was - get up, get dressed, comb her hair, hop in the car. However, she wanted to eat breakfast. I informed her that we would be leaving shortly for lunch. I asked her to get dressed so we could go, but she refused. She was willing to bargain - clothes for breakfast, but I refused. I was confused by her stubbornness at this point, because she's wanted to go home all week... at that point, we were simply waiting on her to get dressed. One time she said, "Aunt Krista... how would YOU feel if your parents told you you'd be gone THREE nights, and you ended up being gone FOUR nights?!" I said, "so, you're telling me you're being PUNISHED by spending extra time with me?" Regardless, I was incredibly frustrated and expected to just sit across the room and stare at her until she finally gave in to get dressed. Realizing that probably wasn't the best method, I finally "helped" her out of her pajamas and into her clothes. She surprisingly didn't fight me once I got started, so before long we were dressed and in the car.

We joined my friends Matt & Jason for lunch (Erin warmed up nicely for that), hit the grocery store, ran back by the house (to pick up our Father's Day crafts we had forgotten), stopped by the gas station and FINALLY hit the road.

We STILL beat Sarah & David to the campground (shocker) but were finally reunited with the entire family (save John who wasn't feeling well). We had an enjoyable weekend, though Erin and I probably kept more distance between us than on a normal family camp out!! :) I think we both had fun... but were both anxious to rejoin our regularly scheduled lives.

What I learned: Nieces are great, but it's nice to be able to turn them back in. I've been assured (by my sister-in-law) that it's different when you "grow into" parenting a five year old. I guess I'll just take her word on that, and maybe one day I'll be able to judge the veracity of that statement for myself. :)

A Mother's "Free Time" - Day 4

Okay, so I've discovered a mother's "free time"... BEFORE a child has gotten up in the morning and/or AFTER a child has gone to bed. I've gotten a few things done today in preparation for leaving town tomorrow (cleaning, washing some laundry, etc.).

Today's activities included:

Going to lunch with some friends of mine. Erin wasn't too thrilled with that, and even reminded me that her daddy told her "time will go quickly in Tulsa if you're having fun." Implication: Lunch with Aunt Krista's fun = NOT fun. :) She was surprisingly anti-social and was happy when lunch was finished and we were en route to the Tulsa Zoo.

The Tulsa Zoo - we had a great time there, though it was very hot and meant several hours of following Erin around wherever she determined it was best to go. Highlights: The Lion (who had his face in a corner and wouldn't even look at us), a baby chimpanzee (very cute, and even stood face-to-face with Erin at the glass... I tried to grab my camera but didn't get it in time) and ICE CREAM!!!! ('nuff said).

Small Group - Our small group came over tonight. After lunch, I wasn't sure what to expect from Erin, but she was actually very friendly and surprisingly hospitable. During the Bible study, she talked to her Mom & Dad on the phone and watched a DVD. She did very well, despite being upset briefly after getting off the phone.

Veggie Tales - we watched a couple of movies tonight, and Erin fell asleep on the love seat (where I think I'll leave her until morning... or until she moves to the sleeping bag in my room).

I'm still exhausted, though, and hoping to get some shut eye in preparation for heading to Kansas in the morning/afternoon.

New thoughts about being a Mom:

1) You have to look for deals... we got some discount tickets to the zoo from a friend of mine. It actually ended up being free admittance. (Actually... now that I think about it... I guess I owe someone a bit for those...)

2) If I were a full-time Mom, I would need to lay down the law a bit more than I have this week. I've been a push-over for the most part. I suppose it's an aunt's job to spoil, but I would be more disciplined with my own daughter.

3) They say having your own child is different... I wonder if that's true and, if so, HOW it's different.

4) I guess that's about it for now. I'm about to fall over.

The Journal of a Tired Mother - Day 3

Well, well, well... I'm exhausted! It's amazing how there's really NO downtime when you're taking care of a child. Every moment is spent in either entertaining or monitoring. I've found that it's usually when I've left Erin alone (even for a few moments) that she gets a bit weepy for mom. Today we slept in... 'til almost 10am!! :) In fact, when I got up, Erin still wanted to stay in bed awhile. But, we finally had breakfast and eventually made it to the office. (I had a bit of work I needed to get done.) We were there for 2 or 3 hours. Erin watched "Wizard of Oz" in a make-shift personal theatre (large iMac screen and comfy leather-ish chair) in the empty spare office. At some point I was wrapping up and went out to find her crying behind one of the chairs in the sitting area. :( After a hug or two she was fine. We left and went by the bank then checked out a local pool. It was a great pool... not many people, but plenty of sunshine and a few kids about the same age. I was "attacked" by all the kids wanting to play, so at some point had three kids hanging off of me. It was a good day to get out and get some sun. After the pool, we put on real clothes and ran out to the park for a cookout. We took a small charcoal grill I had and took three friends with us (Meghan, Mike & James). We had a good time eating (we didn't drink, because I left the drinks sitting on the counter at home) and playing ball. Erin got "furious" (her own word) with the boys for picking on her. But, it was all in good fun and we came in about dark. Here at home we've been working (yet again) on Father's Day and other art projects. Erin had a bit of a breakdown while I took a shower... she ended up borrowing my roommate's phone and calling Mom & Dad. But, after getting off with them she's fine again. Now, I'm trying to get her to bed... we finally struck an agreement - she'll put on her pj's, we'll play a game of chess (can she play chess?!?!) and then we'll call it a (late) night.

Today's lessons....

1) Kids are EXPENSIVE. (though I suppose I'm sorta spoiling her a bit)

2) I like my adult interaction time and am feeling a bit deprived.

3) Kids are EXHAUSTING.

The Mommy Experiment - Day 2

Day 2 was the first full day with Erin (Tuesday). She was up and around by 7:30. Aunt Krista was still exhausted from not sleeping too well. (Erin, btw, completely denies the bed hog allegations.) We spent the day on the following activities:

Going to the grocery store
Grilling burgers & pineapple for lunch (Erin helped!)
Washing my car
Erin playing in the sprinkler
Playing ball (we got one at the store) - we threw it back and forth without dropping it 75 times!!!
Going to see "Kung Fu Panda" at the theatre - it was a great movie!
Going to Sonic for a late snack/dinner
Watching "Larry Boy and the Bad Apple"

She did get a bit weepy in the afternoon (4pm), as we were getting ready for the movie. She cried herself to sleep on the couch as I was showering and fixing my hair. So... I tried to wake her up before the 4:50 movie time but couldn't. Tried to wake her up again
before the 5:30 showing, to no avail. She woke up around 6:15 (missed that showing, too), so we finally made it to the 6:45 showing. :) But, going to bed last night was NO problem. We both got sleepy watching Larry Boy, so moved to the bedroom after that. Erin preferred to sleep in/on a sleeping bag on the floor, so we both slept much better!

My thoughts so far on being a mom:

1) Nothing works according to schedule. I'm a schedule person, so that will take some getting used to. It may also give me a bit more compassion for parents and/or families who always seem to run behind (i.e. - David & Sarah) :)

2) I'm selfish. I like being able to do WHAT I want to do, WHEN I want to do it. That's not really possible with a child.

3) Children may scare off men. :) More on that later, though, because...

Erin is complaining that I'm writing and that we're not "doing anything fun." So... I don't want to fall down on my responsibilities of being "FUN Aunt Krista."

Off for another fun-filled day!

My Life as a Mommy - Day 1

At the request of MY mom, I decided to try and blog about my week of playing "mommy" to my niece, Erin.

We've been talking about it for several weeks now, and apparently my sister-in-law told my niece that she would get to come stay with me by herself in Tulsa. I guess a day later, Erin asked her mom, "Mom... did you tell me that I get to go visit Aunt Krista ALL BY MYSELF?!?!" Sarah reassured her, to which she replied, "Oh good! I thought maybe I just dreamed that!" :)

I met my brother and sister-in-law on Monday about half-way between our homes - Chanute, KS. We met in a park but decided to grab a bite for dinner at a local McDonalds before hitting the road again. At some point during dinner, Erin sorta broke down and was rather upset at the prospect of leaving her mom. Perfectly understandable, but at some point, she seemed pretty decided on returning home with Mom & Dad. But, finally we got her buckled in, and as soon as we closed the car door and pulled away, we started talking about all kinds of things and she was absolutely fine. (She did seem to think the two-hour trip took an eternity.) But, we listened to a CD - "Bob & Larry sing the 70's." That was quite entertaining. We also played a game - one person would hum a song and the other person had to guess the song. We finally arrived in Tulsa... just after 10pm. Erin was ready to play, but we finally got settled down for bed. I expected more tears, but we both fell off to sleep pretty quickly! Though, I didn't sleep too well... Erin is ONE BIG BED HOG!!!!

Samba, Anyone?

Don't you ever feel like shaking things up a bit? I think that's how I'm feeling right now, though I'm not really sure by what means I would do that. Life is just getting a bit stagnant. I'm ready for it to move along a little.

But, right now I'm listening to the rendition of Coldplay's "Clocks" on their "Rhythms del Mundo" CD. It makes me feel like I should be at some tropical beach party... with tiki torches, fun colorful clothing and sandals. :)

"And nothing else compares..."

"Red, Red Rose" by Robert Burns

O my luve is like a red, red rose

That's newly sprung in June;

O my luve's like the melodie

That's sweetly played in tune.

As fair art thou, my bonny lass,

So deep in luve am I;

And I will luve thee still, my dear,

Till a' the seas gang dry.

Till a' the seas gang dry, my dear,

And the rocks melt wi' the sun;

I will luve thee still, my dear,

While the sands o' life shall run.

And fare thee weel, my only love,

And fare thee weel, awhile!

And I will come again, my love

Tho' it were ten thousand mile.

The Single Woman

"The fact is, sometimes it's hard to walk in a single woman's shoes. That's why we need really special ones now and then - to make our walk a little more fun."

Carrie Bradshaw in "Sex and the City"

Well... I finally did it!

For the first time ever I e-filed my taxes. I've been a paper-and-pencil girl all these years. I think I like having all the documents right in front of me. I get a bit lost sometimes flipping between computer screens. And maybe there's something reassuring in putting a stamp on the forms and mailing them. But, I bit the bullet and rather enjoyed the process. It took me less than two hours, and I have a decent refund coming.

The product - H&R Block's TaxCut Free File. Thanks H&R Block! (Throwing a little business Matt's way, too!)

God's Will

I think one purpose of fasting is to seek God's will on certain issues. So, along with that, He seems to be teaching me some things about His will. For example, at church Sunday night, we studied Jesus' prayer in the Garden of Gethsemane (Mt 26). You get such a sense of Jesus' humanity in that passage as he prays there might be some other way for God's will be to accomplished. But, nevertheless, he prays "no my will, but thine." This evening I was reading in Exodus 5 where the LORD calls Moses to be his representative to Pharaoh. Moses gives every excuse he can thinking of, and when he runs out of excuses he finally says, "please send someone else to do it." Ha! I read that and think, "what a coward!" But... then I realize most of us fall into that same category. God promises to provide all our needs, but somehow when He's calling us to do something we list off every excuse we can think of...

"I'm too busy"
"That doesn't fit into my life"
"I'm too young/too old"
"My friends would think I'm crazy"
"I don't have the qualifications"
"I've/we've never done that before"
"That's impossible"
... and a million more

Finally we plead, "God, PLEASE send someone else to do it." But God doesn't let up. He knows what He's doing. He knows who to send. He knows our backgrounds, our skills, our limitations... He knows it all. And... He still asks of us.

I pray I will be a person who doesn't squirm to find a way out but who courageously steps up, accepts my mission and says, "Here I am, send me."

I love this quote by Dr. George W. Truett, "The know the will of God is the greatest knowledge; to do the will of God is the greatest achievement. The will of God is not always easy, but it is always right."

Amen.

V-day Flowers...

Somebody must love me!! :)

Friend?

I just ran across this poem, and I'm happy to note that I'm not even sure to whom it may have referred...

Friends?

From the first moment you extended your hand to me,
I've wondered what kind of friend you will be.

Maybe just an acquaintance,
someone who might happen to recognize me on the street.

Maybe the casual friend who meets me irregularly for dinner
and occasionally drops me an email to say "hi."

What about that friend who is so close, so deeply involved in my life
that I can't imagine a life apart, until six months later that time comes.
You could be that person.

Or you could be, just possibly, an eternal friend,
one who loves me endlessly,
who despite the time and distance is an intricate part of me.

Only in retrospect will I know who you are.
As for now, I see the possibilities in your eyes.
And I know that you are important, no matter what your role in my life.
For this time, I'm glad to know you.

A Call to Die

Our church is committing the next 21 days or so (leading up to Easter) to fast and pray. We're doing a variety of fasts (food, media, etc.). I've elected a sort of "social" fast. I'm going to take some time I would generally spend with friends and take the time to spend in dedicated prayer and Bible study. I'm excited to see what God will teach me and what he may reveal to us corporately and individually.

I've already journaled about a variety of topics and things that God has laid on my heart. And I already have a couple of "to do" items from God... a phone call, a thank you and a challenge to be a better neighbor. (That one may be more difficult for me and will require me to get out of my comfort zone.)

What I've read today that struck me...

From Matthew 15 - "What goes into a man's mouth does not make him 'unclean' but what comes out of his mouth, that is what makes him 'unclean.'" (vs 11) "Don't you see that whatever enters the mouth goes into the stomach and then out of the body? But the things that come out of the mouth come from the heart, and these make a man 'unclean.' For out of the heart come evil thoughts, murder, adultery, sexual immorality, theft, false testimony, slander." (vs. 17-19) (Reminds me of one of my new favorite verses, Matthew 12:34b - "Out of the overflow of the heart, the mouth speaks.")

Then my prayer in Psalm 19:14, "May the words of my mouth and the meditation of my heart be pleasing in your sight, O LORD, my Rock and my Redeemer."

Under $50

Latest shopping victories...

Shoes at Dillard's - $21 (original price - $80)
Long-sleeve "tuxedo-style" shirt from The Gap on clearance - $12

Being Stretched

I should be in bed, but I felt like making a couple of comments on the budgeting front. First of all, I'm pretty proud of myself. I feel like I've always been a pretty good steward of my material resources... more accurately the resources with which God has entrusted to me. But, as I'm currently without a roommate (a state that could be prolonged, given my best prospect just got engaged this past weekend), I thought it wise to tighten the purse strings a bit and rely as little as possible on my "emergency funds" and savings. The two most troublesome areas of spending tend to be eating out and clothing (especially as of late, given the fact that most of my clothes no longer fit). A week and a half ago, I had $3 for about a week's worth of eating out. So, among other things, I had the opportunity to sit and watch my friends eat (quite a learning experience). It was kind of difficult at first. I never realized how humbling that can be. But, even more so, it seemed a great exercise in self-control. I had one friend offer to pay for my meal (which I quickly declined). There has to be an art to refraining from eating out but not allowing others to feel sorry for you. Eating out is such a social thing for me that I find that all very difficult. It really is easier to just whip out the debit card and carry on as per normal... instant gratification of the hunger pains and less socially awkward. All that to say, I made it... five days without so much as a cup of coffee out. :)

Also, I went shopping the other day for some black pants. I didn't find the pants, but I got a black skirt and another (bonus) skirt, which only cost me $5!! It is a freeing feeling to know that I have the money specifically allocated to make purchases like that. I've never worried about being able to afford the clothes I've bought, but I've always had a nagging feeling about whether I should be spending the money. So, that's cool. It was a bit awkward paying with cash, though, in this plastic age.

So... I'm learning some new things. Who said you can't teach an old dog new tricks? ;)

Ouch! There's a Fork in my Eye!

It's been kind of a blah day. A friend's father is in the hospital, Heath Ledger died and a friend of mine told me that sometimes I make him want to stick a fork in his eye. So... I've had better. That being said, I did get a couple of looming responsibilities out of the way at work. I finished up our contribution statements (required by the IRS) and printed our W-2/W-3 forms. So, that's a load off. I have plenty of other things to do, but I have most of my big year-end deadline things completed.

I should be in bed, but I don't really feel like sleeping. I guess I could read. I'm reading "Catch-22" by Joseph Heller. It's on my list of books to read before I die, and I have several other friends reading. I would have read it earlier had someone told me how incredibly hilarious it is. :) Here's one of my favorite passages...

"Major Major had been born too late and too mediocre. Some men are born mediocre, some men achieve mediocrity, and some men have mediocrity thrust upon them. With Major Major it had been all three. Even among men lacking all distinction he inevitably stood out as a man lacking more distinction than all the rest, and people who met him were always impressed by how unimpressive he was."

Ha!

In other news, I didn't take much time for lunch today. I called to the restaurant downstairs and ordered a salad to go. When I went down to pick it up, the restaurant was pretty empty except for a few folks sitting here and there around the bar. There was a very nice looking gentleman closest to me when I walked in. He smiled, and I think he was watching me as I looked confused and tried to figure out where to get my salad. Instead of saying anything to him, though, I did the typical Krista "I'm here on a mission to get a salad." For some reason I always operate like that... in and out, head down, very focused on the task at hand. Anyway, he watched me and smiled again as I walked past him on the way out. For the next hour I regretted not saying anything to him... "excuse me, sir, do you know where I would pick up a to-go order?" (Not great, but at least a dialogue.) Or, better yet, I could have dropped something on the way out... let him bound out of his chair to pick it up for me. Maybe he would have offered to carry my heavy salad upstairs for me. Either way, there's always a chance he knows the wait staff and inquired about my name and number (they took my first name and work # for the order). Or, they could have told him, "I think she said she works in the building." But, alas, he never called. I happened to see him leave the building about an hour later. He was probably still wondering about me. :)

For the New Year

I'm not a big fan of resolutions. (I did pretty well last year... without any real "resolutions.") That being said, I DO believe in goal-setting. :) (I know, I know... it's all semantics.) At this moment, there are only a few things I feel inspired to work on in 2008...

1) My relationship with Christ - I'm digging back into my One-Year Bible again. I just finished it in October, but I'm hoping not to take four or five years to get through this time. :) Regardless of the Bible reading, I would like to spend more time in prayer and one-on-one time with God this year. Sometimes I'm really bad about not doing that.

2) Budgeting - I need to reassess my financial situation. I'm currently working sans roommate. I've known in my head that it will be difficult for me to stay in the black (not to mention get ahead) without a roommate, and that was confirmed earlier tonight when I was drafting my budget. (YIKES!!!) So, I'm doing fine, and I'm not worried, but I do need to get in gear. I have a lead on a roommate, so I'll keep working on that. I'm also tossing around some other (more drastic) possibilities... selling my car? selling my house? I doubt I'll sell the house, but I'll tell you... after this ice storm, I was reminded of the ease of apartment dwelling... no yard to mow, no leaves to rake, no limbs to clear, no electricians to call, no roof to repair, etc., etc., etc.

3) Relationships - It probably sounds crazy and unrealistic to say that I'd like to get married this year (or at least make some meaningful steps in that direction). It probably also makes me sound either desperate or discontented with my single life. But, that's not really how I feel about it. In fact, I've really enjoyed my single life and all of the opportunities I've had as a single person - traveling, enjoying a variety of roommates, a strenuous career (for a time), lots of fun friendships, freedom in making decisions, and so on. But, sometimes the life of a single person is also a selfish life. I've been reminded of this more and more as I've had roommates the past year and a half, as I stayed with my friend and her family during my power outage and as ten of my family members stayed in my house over Christmas. But, most of all, I just feel ready to share my life with someone else. Now, God may have different plans. (That wouldn't really surprise me, because we're already WAY off course as compared to MY life plan.) So, I'd like to state (for the record) that I want what God wants. So, if it suits His purposes for me to stay single another year (or two, or ten, or fifty), then that's where I want to be. That'll keep me leaning on Him, which is probably reason enough for Him to keep me there. :)

That's probably enough to work on for one year, huh?

HAPPY NEW YEAR, EVERYONE!! Let me know what YOU have planned for 2008!

2007 In Review

It's the last day of 2007, and what a year!

I made no resolutions for 2007, but I commented to a friend that "I just don't want to be in the same boat next year that I am right now." 2007 was a year dedicated partially to becoming healthy. The most obvious expression of that was some (long overdue) attention to my weight. I had an idea what it would mean to lose some weight, but I expected that to be primarily a physical change. In reality, I think it was even more mental than physical. I never realized how my weight had become a sort of wall for me... keeping me isolated... and keeping others out. I've learned that beauty is an important part of being a woman and that I'm a unique expression of God's beauty. I don't think I was doing a very good job of expressing that before. I'm still working on it, but I feel like I have a lot more to give of myself today than I did a year ago.

I've also been on more dates this year than I probably have all of my years up to now. Now, that's not saying a whole lot, but it has been a fun year in that regard. And, I've learned a few things there, too. I've allowed myself to be more open to possibilities... not so guarded and not so oblivious to the people around me. I've taken more risks, and I've tried not to over analyze every situation. I've focused more on enjoying the moment and not getting so caught up on where things might end up. There's a real freedom in trusting God that whatever happens will be for the best. I can see where worrying about those things has caused considerable havoc in my past relationships. I want to be a person who brings life and freedom to another person... not someone who causes stress and adds pressure where none needs to be. THAT has been a really exciting change!

It's been a year of new friendships, too! A vast majority of the people I'm hanging out with these days were not friends (or at least close friends) a year ago. God's really blessed me with a great gal pal, too! It's so nice to have a friend who understands my life, with all of its idiosyncrasies. He's also blessed me with old friends. Though things have changed fairly radically this year, it's nice have friends who will stick with me... regardless.

I'm sure there are other interesting things to tell, but those are the highlights! In summary, 2007 has been what one might call a banner year for Krista. :)

A Christmas Miracle!

Well, I can't sleep, so I thought I'd catch up on some overdue blogging. :)

My nerves started wearing thin mid-last week. I was still without electricity and waiting to hear from the electrician who had already been out to my house and had apparently ordered some supplies for the job. Needless to say, I was beginning into the meltdown stage. Thursday was a bit better, and Friday I was determined to sleep in my own home... regardless the electrical situation.

I got home around noon on Friday to find that NO electrician had been to my house. I called a couple of other electricians, but prospects were not looking good to get anyone out to the house until after Christmas. My friends were becoming increasingly aware of my tense emotional state and were kind to offer assistance with generators and limbs. Around 3pm, as I was rolling a generator over from the neighbor's house (the rest of the neighborhood had power by this time), I received a call from one of the electricians I had called around noon. They said they were on their way! I was excited to know they were coming but doubted the possibility of getting the electrical work done AND having PSO come back out to connect me. (I had friends who had to wait the better half of a week just to be reconnected AFTER having the necessary electrical work completed.) But, the electrician went ahead and connected everything so that I had power flowing into the house! YEAH!!! What a blessing!

I talked to my Dad later that day. He said that that morning when he was praying he knew there was no way all the pieces could come together to get electricity by the end of the day, but he prayed anyway... prayed for a miracle... a Christmas miracle, which came true!

So... twelve days without electricity... and I survived, thanks to the generosity of my friends and God's watchful protection.

Home

Everybody needs a private place to cry.

Things I Usually Take for Granted...

Heat - if it's a little cool, I usually just crank up the thermostat, add another blanket to the bed or find any number of warmer places to be. This week, I've been cold everywhere I go. I've been wearing long underwear, ski socks, sweaters, a coat and gloves!

Clean clothes/Washer/Dryer - I've been taking a few clothes at a time over to Jessica's house. But every day or two I have to go back by my house to load up again. Jessica at least has power now (off the generator), so I've been able to do a load of laundry. But, I think I'm to the end of my clean underwear, so I suppose I'll be making another trip by the house. (I haven't hit the end of my clean resources there... yet.)

Coffee - Warms drinks are somewhat hard to come by, especially early in the week. A lot of restaurants & coffee shops were closed. Without power it was difficult to make. (Coffee pots aren't always top priority when you're running a generator.) But, my neighbors were kind enough to run an extension cord from their house to mine so I could run my refrigerator. A couple of mornings, I'd run by to check on the house and would unplug the refrigerator long enough to brew a few cups of coffee. Mmmmmmm.

Internet access - I felt somewhat removed from the world. I've been able to check my email from a church I camped at for "work" early in the week and then various friends' computers (here later in the week).

Cell phones - I was a bit nervous on Monday... running low on gas, trapped in a war zone and limited cell phone juice. I've been carrying my charger with me all week with the hopes of finding a live plug here or there for recharging. (Such has fortunately been the case.)

My home/shelter - I've feel a bit nomadic this week. I realize how much I've taken for granted just the simple comfort of having a "home-base." I've felt a bit lost this week... unable to really focus on anything... like a wanderer... drifting from place to place.

Gas - My gas light came on Monday. I determined to fill up on Tuesday, and became a bit concerned with the first gas station I tried was dark and closed up. (I was hoping it was an electricity thing and not a gas shortage!) I did find another place, but the lines were backed up. I patiently waited my turn and mused at the variety of attitudes there... some people very kind and helpful... others angry and easily-agitated.

Okay... more later.

The Ice Storm of 2007

Well, I figured I'd give everyone an update on my experiences here in Tulsa this past week.

I'm currently sitting at a friend's house, sitting across from another homeless soul.... watching it snow outside... and wondering when life might return to "normal."

Sunday night, December 9th (into Monday morning)

Tulsa was like a war zone. No kidding! The freezing rain began sometime that night, and all through the night I heard crashing limbs, explosions and emergency vehicles. I kept getting up to look out the windows and would see bright orange and turquoise blue flashes in the sky. (I've never seen the sky so brilliantly colored! I maintained power until about 5am Monday morning. I heard a huge explosion, which was obviously our transformer. I looked at my alarm clock... black. I knew at that point that I wouldn't have power any time soon.

I called my Dad (the one person I thought might be awake) and told him of the war zone-like atmosphere in Tulsa. Well, the freezing rain continued through until Monday afternoon/evening, making a bad situation even worse. I heard from several friends Monday morning who were looking for anyone with electricity... making plans already for evening warmth. I had no such place to offer, but we finally found a few folks around who had electricity. (Though some of those who had electricity in the morning were out by night.) I got together with a cousin of mine who had just moved to town. We headed for the warmth of the mall, where I ate two meals that day. He and I went by to check out the status of my office (some lights, limited heat, no internet) and then went back to my house for awhile. We stayed warm by sitting (practically) IN the gas log fireplace. We also rigged up a way to heat water in a metal bowl in order to make hot chocolate. (I have a picture that I can post later.)

I met other friends that night at the mall, and I ended up staying the night w/ my friend Jessica... whose family had no electricity but DID have generator. That's where I've been camped. It's a different group each night, it seems... her Dad was here earlier in the week but left town on Wednesday. Then different friends have crashed with us each night... usually friends who spent the first part of the week in their homes but have since given up the "home-life" in search of some warmth.

I have plenty more to say, but I think I'll add some different posts... to break up the potential monotony for those who have better things to do besides sitting and reading my blog. (I'm guessing those are probably people who have their own sources of electricity!)

Television Update

If you read two posts ago, I recently gave my (non-working) television away through Freecycle. As "Amy" was leaving with my television, I asked her to email me and let me know how much it cost to fix. She said, "are you sure you want to know?" I assured her I did... even though I knew it might be painful. (I honestly didn't expect to hear from her.) But, she DID reply and let me know that it cost $70 to fix... something to do with the power switch. Not too bad, but I still don't think I would have spent $70 on a ten-year old TV. :)

This whole episode reminds me of when I was in college. Me and my two roommates (Chelle-belle and Laura) had a huge TV. It stopped working, so we had a smaller TV sitting on top of the large one, which had a sheet thrown over the top of it. When Laura, the owner of the TV, moved out there was some discussion about whether to trash the TV or move it. She decided to keep it and later informed us that it only took $35 to fix = $11.67 a piece. We probably would have gone for that. :)

Covenant vs. Convenience

We've been working through a sermon series at church on the Ten Commandments. We're just over half-way through, and this past Sunday night we covered Commandment # 7... "Do not commit adultery." It'd be easy to write that off as only dealing with the married folk, but we talked a lot about how marriage is a covenant - a pledge or binding agreement. It's not meant to be abandoned as soon as the going gets rough, the excitement wears off or "something better" comes along. It's a commitment that requires time, patience, communication and work... lots of work.

Compare this to our culture of quick fixes and self-absorption... fast food, drive-thru cleaners, internet shopping and casual relationships. We tend to take whatever is right in front of us... instead of to wait... even if it's for something better. This is true of married couples as well as single adults. Even in dating, it's easy to settle for the something now instead of relying on the hope of something that God can bless in the future.

I want to be a person who cares enough about myself, my relationship with Christ and the people in my life to avoid the self-centered, instant gratification that so many other people live by. It's not easy, but I think that's a foundation that God can use to build a healthy marriage in the future.

Freecycle

I had my first experience with Freecycle this week. I didn't post about it, but my television "died" about a month ago. It wouldn't turn on any more. When you pushed the power button, it made this small sound like it was turning on but then wouldn't do anything else. Since it's about ten years old, I didn't want to sink any money into fixing it. My friend, John, was kind enough to give me a TV he wasn't using (or using much?). So, I'm back in business. But... I had a 27" TV taking up space in my house.

Enter Freecycle. It's pretty cool. I knew David had used it before up in Kansas, so I thought I'd give it a shot. I registered w/ the Tulsa group and posted it on Tues/Wed, had a response by Wed and had it picked up Thurs. So, I've determined it's a worthwhile means of getting rid of stuff... especially LARGE stuff that would otherwise cause me headaches. Thanks, Freecycle!

Well... I'm off to bed. I'm supposed to meet friends for an early morning cup o' joe in about six hours.

The Kite Runner

While on vacation, I was able to read "The Kite Runner" by Khaled Hosseini. It's an excellent story about friendship, betrayal, regrets and maturing. I wrote down a few of my favorite quotes...

"That's the thing about people who mean everything they say. They think everyone else does too."

"What happens in a few days, sometimes even a single day, can change the course of a whole lifetime."

"My heart was doing pirouettes in my chest."

"A man who has no conscience, no goodness, does not suffer."

If you're looking for something to read, you might want to pick it up. A movie about the book is coming out in November, though we all know the book is (nearly) always better than the movie. :)

A Road Trip to South Carolina

A friend pointed out to me today that I've fallen significantly behind in my blogging. (I agree.) So, let me catch you up a bit...

I just got back from vacation. I went to South Carolina with some friends. We took two days to drive out, and the drive was absolutely lovely. It would have been nice to have a bit more time, but as it was we still had time to "stop and smell the roses" so to say. The trees in Alabama hadn't changed colors too much, but the trees/forests in Tennessee and North Carolina were really astounding.

We drove on the Natchez Trace Parkway from Tupelo, Mississippi to Florence, Alabama...


This is a trail we hiked on the Natchez Trace Parkway...




Gorgeous! The Appalachian Mountains!


More scenic highways...


The funniest stories relate to trying to escape all of the National Forests we drove through. We finally passed a sign that said "Welcome to South Carolina." After driving and driving and driving, we hit another sign that said, "Now entering North Carolina"!! The scary part was that we were running low on gas, it was very dark and there didn't seem to be any gas stations anywhere in the forest. Fortunately we found one before we started sputtering. And, we also finally escaped North Carolina. :)

Columbia and Charleston were both a lot of fun. I got to visit my friend, Kate, in Columbia and hang with her. Then we joined up with some other friends in Charleston and did a lot of eating a sightseeing. We went on a not-so-scary ghost tour and also toured the U.S.S. Yorktown, an air craft carrier. Our hotel was lovely, and we were able to hang out there one night around a nice fire pit and just hang out.

We made the drive back in one LONG day. Fortunately we gained two hours (one from the time zone and one from the change from daylight savings)... we slept one and drove one. We left SC around 4am and arrived back in Tulsa about 9pm... only stopping long enough to eat and use the restroom.

But, I'm home... safe and sound! A good time was had by all!

The lies we tell...

A personally-entertaining quote from my current read ("The Eyre Affair" by Jasper Fforde)

[After the main character reveals (lies) to her mother that she has a new boyfriend...]

"This, to my mother, was extremely good news. It had been of considerable anguish to her that I wasn't spending more time with swollen ankles, hemorrhoids and a bad back, popping out grandchildren and naming them after obscure relatives... In all honesty I wasn't against the idea of kids, it was just that I wasn't going to have them on my own."

Touché! :)

Insanity

Well, they say the definition of insanity is trying the same activity over and over but expecting different results. I guess I qualify. I apparently have some messages on facebook but can't seem to log in. So... I guess I should just give up and go to bed, but it's really bugging me and I just keep trying.

Btw, David... noticed you're on FB. I'd add you as a friend... if I could. :) Maybe tomorrow!

Quick updates... life is getting really interesting. I'm spending time with some new people, who keep me well-entertained. I'm going camping this weekend w/ the fam. Should be fun. I'm running again. I'm back up to two miles at a time but am working toward three. Hopefully I'll be there again soon (in the next week or two). Monica, my new roomie, has moved in. It's only been a few days, but so far so good! I can't think of anything else, though I feel there's something on the tip of my fingers...

... oh well... I have an early morning meeting and should be in bed. G'night, y'all.

The Pre-Celebration

It's not quite my b-day, but that didn't stop our small group from celebrating anyway...

Mini Mart

I passed a building today that said "Minute Mart," and it reminded me of the little "mini mart" that used to be at the end of the road from the house where I spent some of the most formative years of my life. I was thinking of that mini mart and thinking of the man who I believe worked there filling gas tanks. His name may have been Dewayne. And then "Dewayne" always reminds me of the punchline of an old knock knock joke... "Hurry up! D'wayne the bathtub, I'm dwowning."

Roomies...

Opossum

I wrote this poem after another dead animal was found in Matt's yard. It seems he sent (as always) a picture of it along. I'll have to see if I can find that. :) I should also note that the poem was inspired by a few lines from Matt's email, which effectively are the last few lines of the poem.

Opossum (an original poem)

This one died near the hyacinth bush,
Under the colorful crepe myrtle, which has yet to bloom.
I can’t be sure what caused his demise…
Maybe a cardial-infarction?
An advanced case of tail cancer?
Or a broken heart?
Who’s to say?
It was surely a sweet, though possibly short, life.
Let’s hope he hasn’t left behind a family…
Two baby opossums and a loving mate,
Who wonder why he hasn’t returned with dinner.
He met an unfortunate end here in my yard,
Under the crepe myrtle, near the hyacinth bush.
But, I laid him to rest.
Under the stars.
In a dirt hole.
Next to the bird.
And the other bird.
And the rat.
And the squirrel.

2:07

It's 2:07AM, and all I can say is I'm tired. Tired physically (wanting to sleep) but mostly tired of itching from this darned poison ivy. I've just been laying in bed these past 2-3 hours scratching my arms, legs and anywhere else that happens to itch at the moment. Grrrrrr.

The doctor prescribed me some steroid pills on Monday, but I was hoping by now the itching would have subsided. No luck.

So, since I'm up, I thought I might as well blog. I'm sure there's something I could blog about that you might find interesting, but I'm not quite sure what that would be. Maybe a poem? Maybe a funny story? Maybe just some unintelligible rant?

Life's not too bad right now (save the itching). I'm enjoying some new friendships, planning some trips, doing some new things... trying not to answer all the unknown questions of my life just now. I figure they'll be answered at some point, so I might as well sit back and just enjoy the ride. :) I guess that's all I have to say right now. Say a prayer for me as I return to bed and try to actually sleep!

Good night/morning!

The Midnight Drags

Sorry for the paucity of email lately. Maybe I've been busy. Or, maybe I just haven't had anything to say. Or, maybe there's been so much to say that I haven't even known where to begin. :) Regardless. Here I am, typing away, doing my best to satisfy the masses...

So, the most immediate thing on my mind is the insane "itchiness" being caused by my most recent run-in with poison ivy. Grrrrr. It's driving me insane. I'm trying to avoid another steroid shot, but I may have to give in and get one tomorrow.

Last night was quite fun. I ran out to Fort Gibson with a friend who has a Jeep. We took the top off, and I got to experience the wind in my hair and the feeling that I could easily fall out onto the highway. It was exhilerating! We didn't have much time there, but caught an amazing sunset and the full moon, which we enjoyed on the drive back.

Then, we met up with a couple of other friends and headed out to the midnight drag races! What a crazy place! Quite an interesting crowd... from the guy with the shirt on that said "I'm a Keeper." to the girl hanging all over the guy right in front of our car as we waited to get in the gates. I think I needed to show a little more clevage to really be "appropriately dressed" for the drag races. (Maybe next time...) There were some pretty crazy cars out there, but I think my favorite was a kind of pale green Chevelle. (Dad... you would've loved it! David, you too! Next time you're in Tulsa, we'll have to go out!)

I'd write more, but I'm about to scratch myself to death. I need some relief!!

Love it!!!

Check out my favoritist new commercial...

In Cold Blood

Well, I've finally set to reading an American classic, "In Cold Blood" by Truman Capote. It's been on my list of books to read for some time (though I reviewed my list of "books to read before I die" just yesterday and couldn't find it on there). I think my particular interest in the book is the fact that it tells the true story about a cold-blooded murder of an upstanding family in a small Kansas town in late 1959. I seem to remember from my college days that the murderers stopped in Emporia, KS to buy some supplies. Very creepy. Indeed, the book is relatively creepy. I've determined that I can't read it too closely to when I go to bed. And, I also think it's reviving some of the sleeping difficulties I noted right after our break-in last fall. However, I'm curious enough to know what happens to push on through. I like this particular quote, as it reminds me of those nervous nights last fall...

"Imagination, of course, can open any door - turn the key and let terror walk right in."

Lessons I Learned from my Deck

My Memorial Day weekend project was to rebuild the deck on the back of my house. When I say "my" project, I really mean my Dad's project. :) Since my Dad's a home builder, he's definitely the expert, but other family members (me and my sister, primarily) aided him as best we could. We didn't get finished, but there was some definite progress made.

There were two concrete steps off the back of my house that provided a considerable amount of work to remove. We rented a jack hammer for a couple of hours and (again, my Dad) chipped away at the steps. I used the jack hammer briefly, but that was mainly "for the experience" (according to my Dad) and "for a good photo opp" (according to me). But, as I was sitting back watching my Dad hammer away, I was saddened just a bit. The deck was pretty much unusable as it was, but even so, those steps have been my friends for the past three years that I've owned my house. I was reminded of the times I sat on that back stoop talking on the phone or just contemplating life. So, though I was excited about the new deck, it was a bit difficult to leave behind those stoops.

It made me think about life a bit... how it's comfortable to hold on to the past, even when I know it keeps me from moving forward. But, sometimes you have to remove the old before the new can take hold.

"God, let me be a person who bravely lets go of those things that keep me from experiencing the newness of your grace and mercy."

The Miseducation of Krista

Isn't it funny the things God uses to teach us? If you've read my post from April 29th, I've been working on not worrying as much. I've had several situations this past month or so that could have caused me a lot of stress and anxiety, but I've chosen not to get worried or stressed out about them.

One of those is one of the teams I sort of lead at church. It's called "The Crew." Late last month, right after preparing our May schedule, I had three people call and tell me that they were going to be able to help with it any more. Three may not sound like many, but we were already running a fairly tight ship with only about 10 helpers. So, three people, each serving twice a month had a pretty significant impact on the team. That's something I usually would have been really worried about... until I had a chance to find enough helpers and rebuild a schedule for May. However, I decided to trust God to take care of it. And, I knew that (no matter how few helpers we had) week-to-week things would still get done somehow... whether I worried about it or not. So, last week I was telling someone about the three new helpers we've had in May... one new person each week, and it dawned on me that I DID NOT HAVE TO TRACK ANY OF THEM DOWN! I really thought to rebuild the team, I'd have to spend some time on the phone begging for help. But, instead, each of these people either contact me out of the blue or just happened to mention to me that they were looking for additional ways to help out around the church!

What an incredible blessing! All it took was letting go of it and leaving it in God's hands! You thought I would have learned that by now!

"Thank you, Papa!"

Don't get on my "bed" side!

I drove home tonight after work and lifted my garage door like I always do. Instead of finding the empty garage, I found my bed... perfectly assembled and made up. Hrmmm... that's unusual. I normally sleep in my bedroom. (head scratch) It didn't take me long to realize that my roommate is a traitor and assisted my "friend," Chris, in moving my bed out to the garage. He was in the office this afternoon. When he mentioned that he was going to stop by Blockbuster to rent a movie I owned, I naturally told him I would loan him my copy. (Big mistake.) Truth be told, had my roommate not been home, I probably would have had a temporary lapse of judgement and given him my key. Fortunately she WAS home, so the disruption was limited to the bed.

The whole reason that happened is because several weeks ago I had help moving his scooter into a 20' box truck. That would have merely been funny had not his scooter been stolen before in the past. (I had that piece of information but, personally, still thought it was funny.)

Of course, that was egged on by him hiding my keys in my kitchen cabinets the last time he was over for small group.

And that was retribution for something I can't even remember, though I'm sure whatever that was was retaliation for when he took all of my light bulbs from out of my light fixtures and hid them around my house (everywhere from my sugar canister to my underwear drawer).

I'm sure there are more stories to tell, but... you get the idea. :)

Mango-induced rash

A bit of explanation on the last post... I've had a bit of a problem with mango salsa since last summer, though I assumed it was related to the jalapeno or cilantro. Well, after a bit of extensive research this weekend, I think I've linked it back to the mango. That's incredibly disappointing, but I love mango!

But, after eating a whole mango Sunday night, I've developed a poison ivy type rash. I did a bit of research on-line and discovered others with similar experiences...

I loved you once...

What a sweet affair... once or twice a year, you and I would share some heavenly moments. I can hardly believe it's over. It's been only 24-hours since you last touched my lips, but I think I shall never forget you. I loved you once, but it's not meant to be. I'm sure I'll see you around, at dinner parties and in the homes of friends. I'll catch a glimpse of you from across the room and remember all that has passed between us. A tear will invade my eye, and I'll be forced to look away. But, I must leave you forever. My health depends on it. Thank you, mango salsa, for the good times. I shall never forget you.

Are You Smarter than a 5th Grader?

Take this quiz, and let me know how you fare...

Things to say...

Wow... I've been working for my church for a year now. It doesn't seem like that could be possible. "Happy Anniversary, Me!"

I bought a pair of pants this week in a size smaller than I ever remember wearing!! I'm sure I passed quickly through the size once pre-puberty, but that memory has long escaped my awareness. Regardless, it feels fairly exhilarating. :)

I've been reading "The Ragamuffin Gospel" by Brennan Manning. Great book! I'll have to share more thoughts/quotes from the book at a later time.

I took advantage of Tulsa's public transportation for the first time last Saturday. There's a Tulsa Transit bus stop two blocks from my house. Who knew?! It was an enlightening experience. I've only really used public transportation in populated US cities and foreign countries, so it brought a more urban-feel right to my doorstep (or at least as close as two blocks away). I encourage you all to check it out!

I don't know what else to tell you, other than... I'm going to bed here shortly. So, goodnight, friends!

Funny...

... I ran across this quote by Groucho Marx tonight...

"It isn't necessary to have relatives in Kansas City in order to be unhappy."

My Confession

Well, I've been blog lagging... "blagging." It's not that I haven't thought about blogging. I just haven't gotten it done. I would say things have been busy, but I don't know that that's true. So, I guess I just haven't taken the time to do it.

The Holy Spirit has been revealing some sin in my life. It's the sin that rips away at joy and peace... worry and fear. I've never really identified those as sins before, but so many of the scriptures related to the topic say, "Do not worry" (Mt 6) and "Do not be anxious" (Phil 4:6), etc. They don't read that much differently from the Ten Commandments... "You shall not..." But, I've never read them that way. I always read them more like, "when you're worried...." But, it's obviously something I struggle with, because all of my favorite verses in the Bible deal with that topic.

But, why is that such a big deal? Well, I would never consciously say (or really even think), "God, I don't trust you," or "God, I don't believe you're in control here," or "God, I don't think you have my best in mind." However, that has to be the ultimate root of my worry/anxiety.

So, I'm laying it to rest. I'm not saying I'll never be anxious or worry again. (I wish that were the case, yet I know myself better than that.) But, now that I I've identified it for what it really is... the willful act of doubting God... I think I won't hold on to it as long. But, for good measure, I ought to ask for your help. When you see me getting stressed and worried about something, gently remind me who is in control. :) I really do trust God, so I might as well act like I believe that!

So, peace and joy to each of you. Good night!

Jump the Shark

"Jump the shark" is my new favorite phrase, so I'm going to attempt to make it popular among my friends and family. Check out the definition in the Urban Dictionary.

So, my blog may have just "jumped the shark." But... I hope not. Because how else will I help get that phrase into wider circulation? :)

Hope everyone's doing well. I have more to say, but I'll save it for another day.

G'night!

Just some of the girls!!

Someone will have to send me some pics of Avery. (I had to lift these from John's blog!)

I feel the need - the need for Krista!

Enjoy!

Signs of a Long & Painful Summer...

I mowed the lawn for the first time (in 2007) this afternoon. It's been needing it for a week or two, but I just couldn't bear the thought of beginning my summer mowing in March. :( I clearly remembered hating it from the past two summers, but today I was reminded just how much I hate it. Ugh. I feel like my lungs are still filled with dust... and that's on top of having some kind of sinus infection that hit me over the weekend.

But, before this sounds too depressing, I'd like to note that it may just be a wonderful summer after all. I won't go into details, but I've realized some personal victories as of late. So, it will be interesting to see how the summer plays out.

Quick update... I went up to KC this weekend to help David & Sarah move. (The only thing I accomplished toward that goal was to paint about half of Erin's bedroom.) I went to an Easter egg hunt w/ John, Michelle, Natalie and Erin Saturday morning at the Speedway. But, I got back to Mom & Dad's and crashed for the afternoon. Then, I went out with a college friend (and a couple of his friends) for dinner. Then, strangely enough, we all took a driving tour of my hometown, Tonganoxie, and some other outlying areas.

All-in-all it was a good weekend. I wish I had felt better. I pretty much stayed around Mom & Dad's on Sunday and just watched non-stop movies all day. But, now it's time to get back to the daily grind here in Tulsa!