Romans 8:18-25

I thought the Jeremy Camp video relates so perfectly to the 4/18 post. It also reminded me of this scripture...

"I consider that our present sufferings are not worth comparing with the glory that will be revealed in us. The creation waits in eager expectation for the sons of God to be revealed. For the creation was subjected to frustration, not by its own choice, but by the will of the one who subjected it, in hope that the creation itself will be liberated from its bondage to decay and brought into the glorious freedom of the children of God.

We know that the whole creation has been groaning as in the pains of childbirth right up to the present time. Not only so, but we ourselves, who have the firstfruits of the Spirit, groan inwardly as we wait eagerly for our adoption as sons, the redemption of our bodies. For in this hope we were saved. But hope that is seen is no hope at all. Who hopes for what he already has? But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently."

Romans 8:18-25

There Will Be a Day

"Love in the Time of Cholera"

On a whim, the heroine rejected her heart's love to marry another. The author, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, wrote that "she erased him completely, and in the space that he had occupied in her memory she allowed a field of poppies to bloom."

The Pain that Gives Way to Joy

Excerpts from "The Problem of Pain" by C.S. Lewis, from his chapter on "Heaven":

"There have been times when I think we do not desire heaven; but more often I find myself wondering whether, in our heart of hearts, we have ever desired anything else. You may have noticed that the books you really love are bound together by a secret thread. You know very well what is the common quality that makes you love them, though you cannot put it into words; but most of your friends do not see it at all, and often wonder why, liking this, you should also like that. Again, you have stood before some landscape, which seems to embody what you have been looking for all your life, and then turned to the friend at your side who appears to be seeing what you saw - but at the first words a gulf yawns between you, and you realise that this landscape means something totally different to him, that he is pursuing an alien vision and cares nothing for the ineffable suggestion by which you are transported. Even in your hobbies, has there not always been some secret attraction which the others are curiously ignorant of - something, not to be identified with, but always on the verge of breaking through, the smell of cut woood in the workshop or the clap-clap of water against the boat's side? Are not all lifelong friendships born at the moment when at last you meet another human being who has some inkling (but faint and uncertain even in the best) of that something which you were born desiring, and which, beneath the flux of other desires and in all the momentary silences between the louder passions, night and day, year by year, from childhood to old age, you are looking for, watching for, listening for? You have never had it. All the things that have ever deeply possessed your soul have been but hints of it - tantalising glimpses, promises never quite fulfilled, echoes that died away just as they caught your ear. But if it should really become manifest - if there ever came an echo that did not die away but swelled into the sound itself - you would know it. Beyond all possibility of doubt you would say 'Here at last is the thing I was made for.' We cannot tell each other about it. It is the secret signature of each soul, the incommunicable and unappeasable want, the thing we desired before we met our wives or made our friends or chose our work, and which we shall still desire on our deathbeds, when the mind no longer knows wife or friend or work. While we are, this is. If we lose this, we lose all."

I wonder sometimes if the hurts and disappointments in life serve only (or at least partially) to remind us that we were not created for this life. We're always left with a deep-seated longing in our soul, because this is not what we were ultimately created for. In John 16, Jesus is preparing his disciples for his coming death...

"Truly, you will weep and mourn over what is going to happen to me, but the world will rejoice. You will grieve, but your grief will suddenly turn to wonderful joy when you see me again. It will be like a woman experiencing the pains of labor. When her child is born, her anguish gives place to joy... You have sorrow now, but I will see you again; then you will rejoice, and no one can rob you of that joy." (John 16:20-22)

He seemed to say, "I know it will be difficult, but hang on... my death is not the end of the story. When you know the full story, you will have cause to rejoice."

"Now we see things imperfectly as in a poor mirror, but then we will see everything with perfect clarify. All that I know now is partial and incomplete, but then I will know everything completely, just as God knows me now." (I Corinthians 13:12)

So, I guess the lesson is... I don't know the full story. The unfulfilled desires of my heart serve to point me to Christ and the day I will be with Him. LORD, haste that day! In the meantime, help me keep my eyes focused securely on You.

National Poetry Month

In honor of, I'll share the first poem I ever wrote. It was an English sonnet I had to write for a high school English class. So... go easy on me. :)

(It apparently has no name)

The gardener dropped the seed, my love to sow
It represents a love meant just for one
This seed will bloom for him I not yet know
Its growth unseen, I know it has begun.

The elements of love will make it grow
Compassion, warmth and faith shine as the sun
So delicate upon the earth below
Hard times, forgiveness, o're the ground shall run.

The healing power in love shall fall as rain
Upon the sprout new life shall start to flow
No death, nor storm may split this love in twain
And as it buds a gentle breeze may blow.

At last, my love, the flow'r, look and behold
As delicate, lush petals now unfold!


My teacher's comments:

2nd line -- > meter is rough
interesting metaphor seed/love
rhyme scheme not marked

Grade: 37/43

I'm Back

I'm back from India. Here's a little taste (not sure how long this link will be available).

As I was unpacking, I took these notes...

Things I packed but didn't use:
4 pair of underwear (and yes... I DID wear a clean pair every day. These were simply extras.)
1 book I didn't touch at all
ipod charger
glasses/spare contacts/contact solution
hydrocortisone cream
compact paper towels
bath towel

Things I wished I had brought:
a flashlight

Things I'm surprised I used (and glad I had!):
an umbrella
ear plugs (the wild dogs of India bark loudly at night!!)
a bandaid
a washcloth (I was surprised the hotel had towels but NOT washcloths)

Things I brought and WISHED I'd used:
gloves - it was freezing in London, but I forgot them in the hotel

So, overall, I packed just what I needed. If I were doing it again, I would have sent out some laundry in India. (A couple of people did that late in the week and gave positive feedback.) I don't think I've ever packed that efficiently!!

One word

I know, I know, ... but these things are addicting!


Where is your cell phone: here
Your hair: shoulder-length
Your mother: friend
Your father: loving
Your favorite thing: flowers
Your dream last night: strange
Your favorite drink: coffee
Your dream/goal: family
The room you are in: office
Your fear: alone
Where do you want to be in 6 years: breathing
Muffins: pumpkin
One of your wish list items: books
Where you grew up: Tongie
The last thing you did: toenails
What are you wearing: sweats
Your TV: borrowed
Your pets: none
Your computer: old
Your life: optimistic
Your mood: excited
Missing someone: no
Your car: sparklies
Favorite store: gap
Your summer: distant
Favorite color: blue?
When is the last time you laughed: today
Last time you cried: work
Someone who emails me: everyone
Favorite food: all
Place I would rather be right now: skiing

LOVE

"But I trust in Your unfailing love; my heart rejoices in Your salvation. I will sing to the LORD, for He has been good to me." Psalm 13:5-6

As much as I love these two verses, I can't help but mention the beginning of this psalm... "How long, O LORD? Will you forget me forever? ... How long must I wrestle with my thoughts and every day have sorrow in my heart?" You can feel the rawness in David's words. And most of us can empathize (at least from time-to-time... but many of us overwhelmingly so about this time of the year) with the feelings he's expressing.

This may just be the first time I've ever had plans (date-like plans, that is) on Valentine's Day. To say I'm excited is probably an understatement. :) I've enjoyed the following "definition of love" over the years... "A widely misunderstood, although highly desirable, malfunction of the heart which weakens the brain, causes the eyes to sparkle, the cheeks to glow, the blood pressure to rise and the lips to pucker frequently."

It would be really easy for me to put my hope in that kind of love. It's easy to think that "our love" is the be-all, end-all of the human experience. But even when Paul talks about love in I Corinthians 13, he states that "now we see but a poor reflection as in a mirror; then we shall see face to face." Our love is imperfect. Our love sometimes fails. Our love is only a dark shadow of God's love. But HIS love is unfailing. HIS love is where our hope must be!

This Valentine's Day, my prayer for you is that you will trust in HIS unfailing love and that your heart will rejoice in HIS salvation. Please sing (express your love and devotion) to the LORD, for it is HE who has been good to you...

The Return

So I went to Cosi again tonight... this time taking a couple of friends. The fireplace was on, and I ordered practically the same thing I did last time (sans chicken on the sandwich). But, when I received my order, it didn't look like I expected. (It had chicken on it.) I took it back up to the front, and the cashier said he thought I ordered it with chicken. At that point, I realized it was basically the same sandwich I ordered, only with chicken. So, I told him it was fine, and that I'd keep it. He said, "oh, I can remake it, it's not a problem." I assured him I was fine and went to sit back down. When he delivered my friend's food, he again stated that he could make me a new sandwich. Somewhere in there, he threw out a random comment that his "leg was bigger than I was." Now, it was kind of a funny comment, but as a former chub, I didn't mind it in the least. :) It wasn't much later at all when he brought me out a WHOLE new sandwich (I had only even ordered a half-sandwich in the first place)... sans chicken. It was very kind of him. He certainly didn't have to do that. But, I was impressed that he went above-and-beyond to take care of me. My friend just thought he was flirting with me. But either way... I'm an even bigger fan of Cosi now! Who said customer service is dead?! :)

Oh, and Happy Anniversary... TO ME!!

I just realized I began this blog four years ago exactly!!! Happy Anniversary, my dear little blog!! Here's to another four years! (Imagine me lifting my ceramic mug filled with a decaf, nonfat latte.)

A Cosi

I've only been twice now, but I've found a new little hideaway. I'm almost afriad to blog about it for the fear of being found out. But, I'm not sure I have much of a readership. And besides that, the restaurant may need more business to stay open. Granted, my two visits aren't enough to judge the financial health of the franchise, but I would hate for it to close given the fact that I've only just discovered it.

The restaurant is called, "Cosi." It's like a Panera Bread only with better food (imho) and a warmer, cozier atmosphere. There's a fireplace that warms the place up (physically and metaphorically), though I was disappointed to see it off this evening. I was informed by the cashier that it heats the place a bit too efficiently, so they've turned it off for the evening.

I'm about to take my first sip of an espresso drink... not much froth, but the taste is quite good (despite being decaf and non-fat... I'm trying to lay lower on the caffeine and trying to take off a few pounds I put on over the holidays).

The artwork is also enjoyable. It's exactly my taste - mostly impressionistic, with nice textures, great color schemes and beautiful scenes, many of them of natural settings.

What am I doing here tonight? I haven't decided exactly. I have several options.

1) I considered journaling a bit. I've done a fair amount of journaling over the last week. There is one thing I haven't journaled about that has been plaguing my thoughts for several days. It's a frustrating, recurring, thorn-in-the-flesh, if you will. I'm not quite sure how to break free of it. I used to assume it just affected me, but I'm beginning to realize it reaches well beyond myself. I'm wondering if there's any way of addressing it without causing a complete and total upheaval in the natural order of my social circles. :(

2) I brought a book that I purchased recently but haven't had much time to touch. It's called "Naked" by David Sedaris. The first chapter is quite unusual, but I've heard some good things about his writing. I know enough about Sedaris to know I probably don't agree with him much at all on political or social issues, but I don't believe that's the topic of his writing. Should I find that to be in error, I will most likely put the book down. (That's not to say I mind reading things from that represent a different view from mine; that's just not the reason I picked up this book.)

3) I thought about doing some work. January is a busy month for me. I have a lot of year-end projects (financial statements, contribution statements, IRS reporting - W-2s, W-3s, 1099s, 1096s, etc.) So, I thought I might work on some of that... or, possibly catch up on responding to some email I've been sitting on. I also need to nail down some details for some upcoming events around the church.

Which will I tackle? Maybe the work. :)

Leafing the Old Days Behind

Ah... it's taken awhile to get here, but I feel like our small group (and friends, in general) are beginning to develop some real community. We've met for a long time on Thursday nights and shared time in God's word. That's one kind of community, but the kind of community where we really dig into each others' lives has been a bit slower in coming.

Finally several weeks ago, we talked about ways we can really begin serving each other. (We've often gone out to serve others together, but we haven't done much to take care of each other.) One girl mentioned that she could use help in her classroom at school. The next night, several of us went to help her move some furniture and setup her classroom. Then, the following day, several people came over to help me rake my leaves. We were postponed due to wind and cold temperatures, but we picked it up again the following week.

Since then, we've come together several times to help on yards. I can't speak for anyone else, but it's been SUCH a blessing to have help on my yard. For the first year since I've owned my home, I haven't felt overwhelmed by the falling leaves. Not only has it relieved my stress, but it's been truly enjoyable to work along side friends and laughing with them... sometimes at them! :)

So... I'm sending a shout out to my leaf-raking friends! You guys are the best! Thanks for all the help. You have no idea how much it means to me!

My Apologies and Thoughts on E&H so far

So... I have been realizing that my blog has become a bit depressing. I'd like to blame that on Facebook. FB probably captures more of my happy-go-lucky randomness, whereas my blog catches the more reflective, sometimes depressing, deeper thoughts that can roll around in my head. I'll try to be cautious of that and return a bit of laughter and joy to blogosphere.

I've been reading through Ezra & Haggai. They're books I don't think about too often, and to be honest... I'm not really well-versed in that piece of history. But, I've been learning a lot and have been challenged by what I've read. Here are some of my thoughts...

God's incredible mercy to His people

The end of II Chronicles (36:16) says that the people rebelled until the point there was "no remedy left." God held out punishing Israel until there was no other way of bringing them back. It reminds me of II Peter 3:9-10a, "The Lord isn't really being slow about his promise to return, as some people think. No, he is being patient for your sake. He does not want anyone to perish, so he is giving more time for everyone to repent. But the day of the Lord will come..." (emphasis mine)

More so, the book of Ezra opens with a decree from King Cyrus, who allows the Israelites to return to Jerusalem and begin rebuilding. What's cool is that God spoke through Isaiah 150 years earlier about Cyrus... BY NAME (Isaiah 44:28). But what's even more astounding is what God was doing. BEFORE Israel was even taken into captivity, God had prepared a way for them to return to Him!

The Devastation of Sin

When the Israelites began the Temple construction (Ezra 3:12), those who never saw the original Temple (built by King Solomon) were shouting for joy, but those who had seen the glory of the previous Temple were crying because the new Temple paled in comparison. It's an interesting reminder... God always invites us to return to Him, and there's always an opportunity to rebuild; however, sin has consequences, and we may carry the scars of our sin with us for a long time.

Haggai records God's encouragement to those who were saddened by the "lesser" Temple. Haggai 2:1-9 says that "the future glory of this Temple will be greater than its past glory." Jesus would one day walk in these Temple courts!

Priorities

In Haggai 1, God begins by saying, "consider your ways"… the NLT says something like "consider how things are going for you"… kind of like God was saying, "have you even stopped to NOTICE how your life is going or wondered why it's going that way? You're planting lots of seed but your harvest is pitiful. You eat and drink but never seem to be satisfied. You make a nice income, but it disappears like you have holes in your pocket. Haven't you wondered why that is?!" It seems like he wants to make sure they recognize how their lives change/improve when they finally put God first.

It's the same things God would say to us today… "consider your ways… haven't you ever wondered why you're stressed all the time, why you never seem to have enough money to pay your bills, why you're never satisfied with anything, why things never seem to go your way? Is it any wonder? You're so busy with your own agenda (work, friends, play) that you don't even remember I'm here. What do you think would happen if you put me first? Wouldn't be interesting to find out?" :)

So, those are some of my thoughts! Dig in for yourself, though. There's a lot of meat there!

The Hug to End All Hugs

A friend of mine in college (whose birthday, coincidentally, is today) once told me, "I just wish a guy would hug me like my Dad hugs me." Being the liberated college freshman I was, I retorted, "why would you want a GUY to hug you like your DAD hugs you?!"

Not long after that, I was having a rough day... probably something boy-related, but I honestly can't remember. I called home and talked to my Dad and retold the story above but adding that now I knew exactly what she meant. Talking to Dad on the phone was helpful, but I would have given anything to have someone give me a hug like my Daddy would give... strong, full of love and meaning, soft, comforting and protecting.

Oh how miss those hugs!

(I should note that I did get several of them last weekend when my Dad was in town! ... Just enough, maybe, to last me until Christmas when I can restock!)

Alone

What is it that makes us feel weak and pathetic when we admit our loneliness? God himself said that "it is not good for man to be alone." If God said it isn't good, shouldn't that legitimize our desire for companionship?

A Psalm

"A Psalm," written by Krista Rahija
(based on Psalm 107)

Give thanks to the LORD, for He is good! His faithfulness endures forever.
Has the LORD redeemed you? The speak out!
Let me tell you how my God has saved me!

I was wandering around, lost in my own selfishness when Christ died for me.
I was drowning in my own foolishness and rebellion,
but as soon as I cried out, "LORD, help!" he saved me from myself.

When my dad was diagnosed with cancer,
I wondered what that would mean for me and my family.
As we cried out, "LORD, help!" God met us there.
He gave us His peace and comfort to hold on to.
He taught us that He is trustworthy and in control.

When I found myself in a relationship that didn't honor Him,
God allowed me to struggle in my thoughts and insecurity.
Finally I cried out, LORD, help!" He didn't hold it against me or turn His back on me.
He simply smiled and restored me.

In the times I grow discontent, and my life doesn't look like I expected,
I'm drawn into self pity and worry over my broken dreams.
I wallow for awhile before crying out, "LORD, help!"
But when I do, God restores my faith, renews my strength and rebuilds my heart

Those who are wise will take all this to heart;
they will see in my history the faithful love of the LORD.

Digits

So, I met some friends for lunch today... one of those places where you order at the counter, wait and then pick your food up at said counter. I was waiting with friends until they all had their food. At that point I was waiting alone. Alone, that is, until someone came up behind me to wait. He engaged me in a bit of conversation... over the weather and how people don't talk with strangers in public any more. He made some comment about "waiting for them to call my name" to figure out what my name was. I finally spoiled the surprise by introducing myself. He returned - "Danny." They soon called my name, and I commented to him that he was welcome to join our massive group outside. He said he was getting his food to go, but on his way out, he stopped by our table and handed me a piece of his receipt with his name and phone number written on it... along with a comment "good conversation!" Ha! I got a guy's phone number!! It was somewhat humorous... not to mention a bit embarrassing (given the group of people who witnessed it). But, I suppose on another hand it was flattering. And I suppose I could use a bit of flatter. :)

I doubt I'll call him (though it did cross my mind to call and invite him to our church). In fact, it probably won't be long before the receipt ends up in the washer with my jeans and is lost forever. It makes for a good story, though... no?

Which will you choose?

I watched the movie "Shadowlands" again last night. (Yes, Jessica... it's the one you brought over to go in the garage sale. It will be returned to the garage sale pile directly!) If you haven't seen it, it's about the life and love of author C.S. Lewis. It has so many interesting and thought-provoking points... some of which were taken directly from his writings.

1) Perfect love is only perfect when it is unattainable. Desire comes from the wanting, not from the having. (This was a point he made early on in the movie. His conclusions at the end of the movie would seem to replace this thought.)

2) We often learn more through pain and suffering than we do in the happiness of life.

3) "We read to know we're not alone." He seems to hit upon the question here of whether life imitates art or vice versa.

4) Lewis (played by Anthony Hopkins) ends the movie with this conclusion: "Why love if losing hurts so much? I have no answers any more, only the life I have lived. Twice in that life I've been given the choice - as a boy and as a man. The boy chose safety, the man chooses suffering. The pain now is part of the happiness then. That's the deal."

Some of these ideas are more fully developed in Lewis' works "The Problem of Pain" and "A Grief Observed"... both very good books.

Poverty

"The bread which you do not use is the bread of the hungry. The garment hanging in your wardrobe is the garment of the one who is naked. The shoes that you do not wear are the shoes of the one who is barefoot. The money you keep locked away is the money of the poor. The acts of charity you do not perform are so much injustices you commit."

-Saint Basil the Great