Trust vs. Worry

From my journal earlier this year:

1/30/11

I used to worry a lot more than I do now. In fact, I feel like fear may have destroyed some relationships in my life. I was so busy worrying about what they were not that I didn't enjoy what they were. So, I've put worry behind me... to a great extent. But, I do sometimes fear loss and the future. I was wondering this morning what it is that I'm most afriad of. I think that I'm most afraid of being alone... not so much now but at some unspecified point in the future. I'm afraid of growing old and having no one around me. I'm afraid of having no spouse and no kids. I'm afraid of life passing me right by.

But, what's the worst thing that would happen? I get to enjoy my friends and do whatever I feel like doing... whatever incredible things God calls me to.

...

Papa,

You know the deepest desires of my heart. If those aren't of you, please take them from me and replace them with your desires. If they are pleasing to you, give me patience to wait on your timing. Help me be bold when I need to be and passive when I need to be. Don't let me destroy the blessings of friendships in my life by trying to force them to be something they were never meant to be.

I do trust you. And I will continue to do so. Help me in knowing how to best guard my heart.

"Above all else, guard your heart, for it is the wellspring of life."  ~  Proverbs 4:23