Eyes Half Shut

So I'm tired. It's been a busy week. I'm not specifically affected by busy season, but it's kept me running anyway. There are a ton of projects I need to accomplish in the next couple of months that would make my (work) life a hundred times easier. So, I'm plugging away... hoping to make some headway.

It's been a rough-ish couple of weeks. I think my small group is going to stop meeting. It was only a matter of time, so I'm not completely caught off-guard by it. But, I figure I've been leading (involved, at the very least) small groups pretty much non-stop for the last 10+ years. Although they get wearing at times, I enjoy hosting, leading discussions and loving on people. The nights I'm most worn down going in, I seem to come out most blessed. But, in this season of life, that group has probably been a bit of a crutch for me. As long as I've had that community, I haven't felt the same desire/need to find a new Christian community. So, I'm feeling temporarily disconnected. I know that's mostly in my head, because I could pick up the phone any time if I had a need or wanted to get together. But, it makes me feel like a balloon... floating alone... off into space... without someone to catch my string and pull me back down.

I've also been reminded that some things in life NEVER change.  :)  I'm being a bit facetious, of course. A friend suggested the other day that part of the reason I'm single (not his exact words) is the age of the guys I hang out with. What?! Anyway, it made me consider the age range of the guys I've dated (sometimes briefly). Oldest: maybe six or seven years older.Youngest: not quite ten years younger. Preference: I always imagined I'd be with someone about two years older. Oh well... who knows? I sure don't. I do remember a couple of ladies in my small groups of yesteryears who were pushing 40. They seemed to be distraught over not being married and not having kids. To be honest, part of me wanted to tell them, "maybe you should start to accept the fact that those things may never happen for you." I wonder how many people secretly want to tell me the same.

All that being said, one of the ladies in my accounting group at work told me that her sister says if she had it to do again, she wouldn't have gotten re-married. She apparently has a great husband, too, but she's independent and just misses that aspect of being single. Isn't it true of all of us? We all want what we can't (or don't) have.  :)